I Hope You Dance
by makesmyheadspin
Summary: At 17, Eric & Sookie are hardly prepared to raise a child. While it breaks their hearts to do it, they decide adoption is the right decision for them, and their baby. In making this decision, they give an amazing gift to Amelia & Tray. AH
1. Late

Another new story, you say? Why yes, yes this is. I know, I know, I have a bunch of works in progress, but I don't get to choose what speaks to me. I promise, I haven't forgotten the others. I'm working on them slowly but surely. I've got a few chapters of this in my bank already, so I'm going to start posting. This is somewhat of a departure from anything I've ever written before. The chapters will be shorter, but will accomplish what I need them to. I hope you enjoy the ride.

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Chapter 1: Late

There are lots of words to describe me: stubborn (it's the most obvious), studious, sarcastic, friendly, responsible, mature, smart. These are all good words. I've worked hard to earn them. If you a asked my boyfriend, he would probably add lovable, sweet, sexy, beautiful, loyal, trustworthy and funny. He would also make a comment about my boobs and wiggle his eyebrows shamelessly.

Today I learned there are a few more words that can be added to the list. Late. Terrified. Uncertain. Disturbed. I don't like these words. Oh, I forgot disappointment. No, I don't like this at all. These words go against my reputation for being cautious, reliable and confident.

See, I thrive on routine. I've become a structured person. I grew up in chaos. It was unsettling, to say the least. My parents died when I was young. Too young. Thankfully, my Gran stepped up to raise me, or I would have ended up a ward of the state. My older brother went to live with our great uncle Bartlett. It was for the best, really. Jason needed a strong male role model in his life and all the bickering we did would drive poor Gran bonkers.

Growing up, there was only one real constant in my life, and that was Eric. I had to switch schools after my parents died, and I was an easy mark for the class bully, Victor Madden. He teased and tormented me until the day he went too far and pushed me down at recess. Even as third graders, Eric was taller than everyone else in our class. He was also sort of a loner, only talking to a girl named Pam, whom I later learned was his half sister.

There I was, face down on the grass with Victor laughing and taunting me. All of a sudden, there was a yelp and he was sprawled out next to me on the grass. He was bleeding from his nose and lip, and staring up at his attacker in disbelief. Eric helped me up and glared down at Victor.

"Next time pick on someone your own size." Eric took my hand and led me away.

We were best friends after that. Victor would stare at me, trying to intimidate me, but he left me alone. He never picked on me again. My Gran was a traditionalist and was less than thrilled with me having a boy best friend. She didn't approve of our friendship, at first, but changed her mind when she saw how polite and respectful Eric was. He also looked out for me and treated me very well. She had no cause for complaint.

Our friendship grew over the years, successfully navigating the awkwardness of puberty. We balked at the idea of dating when it was suggested to us by others. But then when I was fourteen, I woke up one morning to find I was sporting a D cup. Eric shot up like a weed and his voice dropped to an octave that suddenly made my heart pound and my knees weak.

I tried to push the feelings away, but it was no us.

In fact, ignoring it only made things worse. It felt unnatural to hide something from Eric. If nothing else, he was a very good listener. He never judged me. He got me to laugh when I would take things too seriously, or get too deep in my own head. In short, he brought out the best in me. So it was weird to feel a wedge between us.

Eric being Eric, he called me on my bullshit. I tried to deny it, but he knew me too well. Much to my discomfort, I fessed up and told him the truth. I didn't think I was in love with him, but my feelings had certainly shifted from just being friendly.

He reacted smugly, his ego all puffed up. He teased and joked until I was on the verge of strangling him. Sometimes I hated him for that. He could be such a tool.

"Ugh, you know what? Just forget it. I'm an idiot." I wouldn't cry, even though I wanted to.

"Sookie, come on! I was just kidding!" Eric put an arm around me and I shoved him away.

"Don't do that, Eric."

"Do what?"

"Be all nice guy. Don't try to placate me. Just go home and be smug."

"Sookie-"

"I didn't want to say anything for a reason, you jerk! I knew you'd act like this, and I didn't want to lose the best friend I ever had over some stupid crush." I yelled at him.

"Sookie-"

"It doesn't matter anyway because you don't see me that way so I-"

"Sookie! Shut up!" Eric grabbed my face and kissed me.

I tried to push him away for all of five seconds before I gave up and melted. The kissing was wonderful and it ended far too abruptly. I cursed Gran for coming home early from choir practice. Eric took his leave shortly after that. Sine I was only fourteen, I wasn't allowed to date. Not that either of us really knew what a date was at that point.

Things stayed pretty normal. We walked to and from school together. We studied, hung out and had dinner with Gran on the nights she wasn't at church. Gran led Bible study on Monday, sang in the choir at every service, attended practice on Thursdays and served as the church secretary. Yes, Gran was heavily involved with the church, and was there four or five nights a week. I knew her schedule like clockwork.

I would set the oven timer just to be on the safe side so Eric would be out of the house before Gran got home. The kissing, I'm not ashamed to say, quickly became my favorite part. Eric was good at it. Maybe _too_ good.

I knew I wasn't the first girl Eric kissed. His first had been a girl a few years older than us, but it was a one time thing. I knew there had been a few others, but the girls couldn't accept that I was a big part of Eric's life. He wouldn't trade me in for someone else. He was far too loyal for that.

As for me, the only other boy I'd kissed was Tommy Mickens, and it was on a dare. It was also horrible. He slobbered all over her and had bad breath. I swear, I brushed my teeth for an hour when I got home that night. It was a terrible first kiss.

But as I said, kissing Eric was good. We didn't tell anyone our status had changed since it would have gotten back to Gran. She'd said I couldn't date until I was sixteen. By then, Eric had been my boyfriend for over a year. Still, it didn't come as a shock to anyone when we went public on my sixteenth birthday. Word traveled quickly when he laid the mother of all kisses on me in a crowded hallway at school that morning. Best. Kiss. Ever.

Even Gran wasn't surprised. "I may be getting on in years, dear, but I'm not senile. I see the way you two look at each other."

"You're not mad?" I asked nervously.

"I wish you would have told me, but I understand why you didn't. I also know that boy would just as soon cut off his own arm as disrespect you. He's a good boy and he makes you happy. Just don't get pregnant." Gran warned.

I'd scoffed at Gran's suggestion at the time. Back then, Eric and I had just worked our way up to third base. Besides, we knew about condoms and safe sex thanks to health class, our friends and the things we saw on TV. Eric and I had talked about it. He was ready. I wasn't.

I changed my mind around Christmas break when we were juniors, but it wasn't until Valentine's Day that I gave it up. My first sexual experience was...well, it hurt. It hurt like a motherfucker. Eric is big. Everywhere. And while I was mentally and emotionally prepared, my body took it as a shock.

Over time it got better. It was difficult to find a place to do it, but we managed. Then junior prom happened. The condom broke that night and by the time we realized it, it was too late. All we could do was wait and see, which is how I ended up late.

I told myself it was just stress from finals. I wasn't ready to consider the alternative. By then I woke up nauseous, and spent my morning with my head in the toilet. I told Gran it was just a flu that was going around and she let me stay home alone while she drove the couple hundred miles to uncle Bartlett's house.

I called Eric and told him to come over. He knew something was wrong immediately and got to my house in record time. He was doubled over in the entryway when I came out of the bathroom. I was pale, clammy and still shaky. Eric was fighting to get air in his lungs.

"What's wrong?" He pulled me into a hug, his chest heaving under my cheek.

I bit my lip for a moment and fought the tears in my eyes. "I'm late."

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Sooooooooo what do we think? *bites lip*

Also, in case you haven't been blitzed by tweet about this yet, I am co-hosting the **Happily (N)ever After Contest** with **scribeninja** and **slacker dee**. For more information, please check out the contest profile page http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2606362/Happily_Never_After_Contest or tweet us **HNC_Contest**.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Positive

Yep, another shorty chapter. I know most people prefer longer ones, but this is how most of them have been coming out. Also, I was a douche, and forgot to thank **scribeninja** and **slacker dee** for pre-reading these chapters for me. You ladies rock mah socks.

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Chapter 2: Positive

Eric picked the worst time to be a typical male. I stared up at him in disbelief. At first I thought he was yanking my chain, but the look of complete confusion on his face told me he really didn't get it. Of course, Eric wasn't one for worrying. He was much better at handling panic and crisis situations. He was confident there was nothing he couldn't handle. I was about to test that theory.

"I'm late." I repeated with raised eyebrows and a pointed stare.

"Late for- oh. Oh!" His eyes bulged as the realization hit him. "How long?"

"Eleven days." I reached around him to close the front door.

"Why didn't you tell me last week?"

"I was stressed over finals. I was hoping that's all it was."

"And now you think otherwise?"

"Well, I spent my morning with my head in the toilet. Not to mention, we both knew it was a possibility, so, yeah."

"So let's go get a test." He said calmly.

"Whoa, wait up! You just said that like you were suggesting we go for ice cream. Aren't you freaking out?"

"Do I _ever_ freak out?"

"Ugh! Eric, what do you think about all this?"

"I think I'm not going to think about it until we know if there's something to think about." He held my hand and kissed the top of my head. "Sookie, look at me."

I lifted my eyes to his and deflated a little. He hugged me again and I felt better. His large hands rubbed my back and smoothed my hair a little.

"Whatever happens, we're going to be okay. I'm not going anywhere. We're in this together." He promised me.

"I'm not worried about that." I whispered.

"I just want it out there for the record." He kissed my temple, then tilted my face up to his to kiss me. "I kind of love you, Stackhouse."

"I kind of love you, too, Northman." I sighed, then rested my head on his chest. His heart thundered under my cheek, betraying the calm he was portraying. It made me feel better to know he wasn't nearly as chill as he wanted me to think he was.

"Let's go get a test and see what we're dealing with." So calm. So natural. So the opposite of the way I was feeling.

We left the house hand in hand and headed for his rickety old truck. It wasn't much, but it was Eric's free and clear. We both worked part-time jobs. I was a waitress at a local diner run by Lafayette Reynolds, the only openly gay man in our small hometown. Eric was part of the maintenance crew for an apartment complex owned by Sophie Ann LeClerq, who owned half of the town.

I would soon be starting a job at the same complex as a pool attendant. It was the perfect job for me. I would be getting paid nine dollars an hour to sit in the sun and get tan. I'd be there from ten in the morning until three in the afternoon. I'd have time to run home, shower and have dinner before going off to the diner to work from five until ten. All of my pool money would go into a savings account for college.

Eric would be picking up more hours at the complex for the summer months. The plan was for us to live together after graduation and go to community college while we saved up enough money to move closer to a better university. Sophie Ann had taken a liking to Eric and had promised him a discount on rent for a one bedroom apartment, provided Eric and I both kept working and maintained at least a 2.5 GPA. It seemed completely doable.

It was nice to have a plan. We had goals and dreams. We wanted to get married and have kids some day, but not now. A baby wasn't part of the plan now. Now was for education and growing up. We weren't ready.

Eric threaded his fingers with mine as he drove out of town. No way could we go to the local drug store for a pregnancy test. There were too many gossips foaming at the mouth for something new to flap their jaws over.

"I don't want to end up like Arlene." I mumbled.

"You won't." Eric squeezed my hand. "Sookie, she's got two kids from two different men, and Lord knows how many abortions she's had."

"She had Coby when she was seventeen."

"So?"

"_So_, I'll be seventeen in thirty days."

"It's not you." Eric said dismissively.

"We have plans. If I'm pregnant, it changes everything."

Eric looked over at me and said, "Sookie, just breathe." He rubbed circles on my wrist.

"I don't want to breathe. I want to panic." I took my hand back.

"Panic if you must, but don't shut me out." Eric looked at me but I couldn't look back.

To cut the silence, Eric turned on the radio. Thudding heavy metal poured out of the speakers. Normally I would complain and offer sexual favors in exchange for my preferred pop music, but I was too far gone to care about what genre of music we listened to. In fact, I turned it up a little in hopes that it would drown out my worries a little. It didn't work.

We drove four towns over where no one would know us. We walked into Wal-Mart together and spent some time wandering around before finding the pregnancy tests. Eric took my hand and I looked up at him.

"It's going to be okay, Sookie." He squeezed my hand. I wished I had his confidence and composure.

My stomach revolted and I ran for the bathroom with my hand over my mouth. I couldn't believe this was happening. I emptied my stomach and rinsed my mouth. I walked out of the bathroom to find Eric waiting for me with a bag in his hand.

"You got it?" I stared at the bag like he was holding the Bubonic Plague.

He nodded and held out a second bag. "I got you something."

I took the bag and looked inside to find a bottle of ginger ale and a Kit Kat bar. My heart melted.

"I love you." I hugged him tightly.

He kissed my hair and led me out of the store. I drank my ginger ale on the ride home, but saved the candy for later when my stomach was a little more settled. We didn't talk much on the way home. I wanted to just pretend like nothing had changed, but I couldn't. I wasn't ready for any of this. It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

We pulled up to my house a while later and Eric parked in the garage. My cat, Tina, was sitting on the steps, staring at me with eyes full of judgment, almost like she knew what we were up to. I stared right back at her but she didn't move. I debated over where to take the test but decided it didn't matter. There was a message from Gran on the answering machine letting me know she was half way to Uncle Bartlett's. She would call again when she'd arrived.

I read the instructions on the test about a hundred times, hoping the box would magically morph into hair dye or cold medicine. No such luck. Eric didn't push me into getting on with it, which I appreciated. I told my legs to move more than once but they wouldn't cooperate.

"I got a letter from my Dad." Eric volunteered.

That was surprising. "You did?"

"He's up for parole next month."

"Wow. What do you think his chances are of getting out?"

Eric shrugged, casual as ever. "I honestly don't know."

"Did you tell your Mom?"

"She doesn't want me to contact him if he does."

"I can understand why. No offense, but if I was a mother-" I couldn't get the rest of it out. Mother. Me. I had to know. "I'm going to go take the test now."

"Want me to go with you?"

I smiled and said, "I think I can pee alone, but thank you."

"Hey, hang on." Eric pulled me close and hugged me again. "I love you. No matter what, you're stuck with me."

"No, I'm not." I looked up at him. "I choose you." I pushed up on my toes and kissed him lovingly.

He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed my forehead. "I'll be here."

I nodded and went to the bathroom. I did everything the test said to do. I put the lit up on the vanity and looked at my watch. Ten minutes. At 1:37 pm I would know. My life would change. Pregnant or not, I would never be the same.

I stepped out of the bathroom. I couldn't just sit there and wait. The ticking of my watch was deafening. Eric was at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, presumably counting the little pigs on the paper that bordered the walls.

"What'd it say?" He asked when he noticed me standing there.

"Oh, it's not done yet. I just couldn't be in there with it." I rubbed my arms, suddenly feeling frozen.

"Wanna go for a walk?" He offered.

"No." I shook my head. "Will you sit with me?"

"Of course." Eric was on his feet and scooping me up in an instant.

He sat on the couch with me in his lap. "If I cry, don't get all weird on me, okay?"

"I'll try." He smirked and kissed my head as he held onto me. "Oh, Mom wants to know if you're coming to Alexei's party." Alexei was Eric's four-year-old half brother.

"Of course I'll be there. Twenty years from now I might want to trade you in for a younger model." I teased and got myself a proper tickling for it.

It took my mind off the test for just a little while. Before I knew it, 1:37 had come and gone. I pressed my forehead to Eric's and rubbed the back of his neck. His arms tightened around me. As nervous as I was, the world didn't seem like such a scary place when I was with Eric.

"Should we go look?" He asked quietly.

"Might as well get it over with." I climbed off his lap and held out my hand to him. "You look." I said when we got to the bathroom.

"Are you sure?"

"One line for positive, two for negative." I recited with my fingers crossed.

Eric didn't let go of my hand when he leaned over to look. "Positive."

He sounded absolutely stunned. I was numb. Pregnant. I was sixteen and pregnant.

Well fuck.

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I realize the summary for this story sort of gives away the farm, but there will be plenty of drama to keep you on your toes. For all of my angst babies, let me just tell you now that this is a decision Eric and Sookie will make TOGETHER. The drama/angst they encounter will not be relationship angst between them. It will be problems with friends, family and strangers who don't agree with the decisions they're making. The conflict only serves to strengthen Eric & Sookie's relationship. Hopefully that'll make it easier to read this story. Thanks for reading!


	3. Choices

Chapter 3: Choices

Truthfully, I expected the test to be positive. Between the lateness and the vomiting, I was pretty sure I was pregnant before I took the test. Eric was more baffled than I was. It was obvious he hadn't thought we would end up pregnant. I couldn't blame him. I didn't think we would either, but we did.

The question then became: what the fuck do we do?

We knew the options. Abortion. Adoption. Parenting. None of those options sounded appealing, but we were going to have to choose one of them. The first decision we made was that we weren't going to tell anyone until we knew what we were going to do.

"This has to be _our_ choice, so I think it's better not to say anything until we know what we want." Eric suggested. I loved that we were on the same page.

"Gran's going to want us to get married and raise it." I sighed.

"Do you...I mean, is that what you want?"

"Do I want to marry you? Yeah, someday when we're ready and doing it for the right reasons. I don't want to rush into it because it seems like what we _should_ do."

"Good. That's good." Eric nodded. "I don't think we're ready for that yet."

"I won't have an abortion." I looked him dead in the eyes.

"I wasn't going to suggest you should." He answered gently. "I know you, Sookie. I know you would never do it, but if, for some reason you did, you would never be able to live with yourself."

"Not to mention, Gran would never forgive me." I sighed again. "You know it's entirely possible she might kick me out over this."

It was a very real probability. In addition to being very involved with the church, she had an old fashioned view on pregnancy. In fact, she had demanded my parents get married when Mom got pregnant with Jason. I don't remember much about my parents, but I doubt they would have married if Mom hadn't gotten pregnant.

"If it comes to that, we'll figure it out. She might surprise you."

"How can you be so calm about this?"

"Because panic won't change anything and it won't give us any answers."

"What if the test is wrong? That happens sometimes. I read it in _Cosmo_."

"Since when do you read _Cosmo_?" Eric arched an eyebrow at me.

"Eric, focus!" I admonished, but heard him mumble something about the blow job I'd given him a few weeks before.

I'd read that if you tucked your left thumb into your fist, it took away your gag reflex. So, I decided to test it out on Eric. The result was my deep-throating my boyfriend for the first time ever, and him pawing at me with starry eyes for days afterward.

We sat in the living room discussing what we were going to do when the phone rang. I waited to see who it was before picking up, and had mixed feelings when I heard Gran's voice on the answering machine.

"Hey, Gran." I sounded tired and I wasn't acting.

"Hi, honey, are are you? Are you feeling better?"

I looked at Eric and said, "I've been better."

"I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, Gran. I'm just sitting here on the couch, talking to Eric."

"Oh?" Her tone implied he'd better be gone by curfew.

"He was just worried about me. He brought me some ginger ale to help settle my stomach."

"He's a good boy. No sleepovers though."

"I know, Gran. He was the drive?"

"Not bad. I'm glad to be out of the car."

"That's good. You'll be home Tuesday?"

"Yes, dear. There's grocery money on top of the fridge if you need anything."

"I'll be fine, Gran. Have fun on your visit."

"I will. Say hello to Eric for me."

"Will do, Gran. I love you."

"I love you, too, honey. Bye bye."

I hated lying to Gran. If she were home, she would have seen right through me. As it was, I knew she would know something was off when she got home on Tuesday. At least we would have a few days to think it over and decide what we wanted.

"We have to find a clinic I can go to." I said out of nowhere. "I can't go to Dr. Ludwig for this. Everyone will know immediately and it's no one's business."

"People are going to find out, Sookie. Pregnancy isn't something you can hide forever."

"I know. I know it's going to get out, but it doesn't have to be tomorrow."

I was trying not to cry but it was a losing battle. I sank against Eric and sobbed. He rubbed my back in gentle circles. This was supposed to be a good thing. I was supposed to be jumping for joy and thinking about nursery decorations and baby names. Instead I was thinking of how over my life was.

Goodbye college. Goodbye spring break. Goodbye senior prom. Goodbye youth. All of these things began to pile up in my head. Hello sleepless nights. Hello more bills than we can pay. Hello being a statistic. Hello responsibility I'm not ready for.

Eric pulled me into his lap and kept rubbing my back. He really wasn't one for panic, but he still had his moments of distress. They were damn near impossible to spot to the untrained eye. The fact that he was quietly whispering in Swedish told me he wasn't as okay as he wanted me to think.

His father was from Sweden. Gus had come to America in the late 70's on student visa. Lisa, Eric's mother, was just fifteen when she met Gus. She was pregnant in record time. Her parents signed a consent form for her to marry Gus. Eric was born four months later. Eric was six months old when Gus first went to prison for armed robbery. He was in for three years, during which, Lisa had Pam as a result of a one night stand.

Gus and Lisa divorced when Eric was six. Lisa remarried two years later. Gus landed himself in jail for another robbery, only when he got arrested, he was also in possession of cocaine. Lisa's second marriage ended when Eric was ten, and then she married a third time a year later when she got pregnant with Alexei.

Lisa was a nice woman, she just wasn't very grown up. She worked dead end jobs and relied on men and government assistance way too much. She wasn't very independent and she drank quite a lot. Gus was in and out of jail, mostly raising Eric from a 9x9 prison cell. I'd never met Gus. All I knew of him was what Eric and Lisa told me, or what I read in Gus' letters. In some ways I was curious about him. In others, I trusted Lisa when she said Gus was bad news.

"What's your Mom going to say about this?" I sniffled and wiped my face.

"She'll probably push for abortion. She's had three." Eric confided.

"_Three_?" I didn't bother to try to hide my judgment.

Abortion seemed like a horrible method of birth control. I considered myself to be pro-choice, but abortion just wasn't for me. It was the option of last resort, only to be considered under very specific circumstances. A broken condom didn't meet my standards for consideration.

"Yeah. Once before Pam and twice after. She got her tubes tied after Alexei was born."

"Wow."

God, our home lives were different. While it was true we both had grown up in irregular circumstances, the level of craziness he had to overcome was much more significant than what I had been through. Gran had done her best to try and establish some sort of stability for me, whereas Eric was sort of left blowing in the breeze. Lisa was too busy getting drunk, pregnant, married or divorced to really devote a whole lot of time to being a parent to her kids.

I started to wonder the obvious. Yes, Eric and I could raise our baby. Because I had lost my parents when I was so young and his were so irresponsible, we were both determined to do it right when we had kids of our own. We could probably get our GEDs, full-time jobs and raise our kid together. It would be accelerating our plan quite a bit, but it could be done. But just because we _could_ do it, that didn't mean we _should_ do it.

Any woman with a uterus could give birth. That didn't mean she should raise the baby. I looked at Eric, and it crossed my mind it was somewhat of a miracle he was even there. He could have easily been one of the less lucky fetuses. I sighed, noting that even though Lisa had her faults, she had given me Eric. He was one of the good ones, which meant she must have done something right. I breathed him in. He smelled like home to me.

I yawned against his neck. I was drained. "Let's go take a nap." I suggested and he didn't argue with me.

Eric never turned down the chance to snuggle and it didn't come up that often. I got off his lap and led him back to my bedroom. I kicked off my shoes and took my hair out of the ponytail it was in. I got into bed and Eric slid in next to me. The smell of him would be trapped on my sheets for days. I hugged him close and closed my eyes.

I dreamed of us living a very "Livin' On A Prayer" life together. Only there was a child in the mix. I was stuck in my waitressing job. Eric was stuck in some grimy job he hated. We were together, but I don't think we were happy. There was bitterness and resentment in the way we looked at each other. We named our daughter Tempest, for crying out loud. But then, in my dream, I came home one night to find him in our bed with Dawn Greene, who had been after Eric for years.

My eyes popped open to find Eric spooned up behind me. I felt his breath on my neck and his hand on my breast. Dawn might be taller and prettier than me but I have the better boobs, and Eric is a boob man. Suck it, Dawn! I knew I had nothing to worry about. Eric wasn't a cheater, and he would never leave me to clean up a mess that was half his. When he said we were in this together, I knew he meant it.

I was more likely to run than he was, and he knew it. Still, the dream freaked me out. My stomach rumbled and I realized I hadn't eaten anything all day. I tried to get out of bed but Eric wouldn't let up on his grip on me.

"Eric, let me up." I wiggled against him but he only held onto me tighter. "Eric!"

He grunted against my neck. "Sleep."

"I'm hungry. Food now." I peeled his hand off my boob and got out of bed.

I went to the kitchen and rejoiced to see a frozen pizza in the freezer. I started the oven and unwrapped the pizza. I went back to my room to find that Eric hadn't moved. I climbed on top of him and kissed the line of his jaw. He was so cute laying there like he was. I brushed some of his hair back behind his ear.

"Are you hungry?" I whispered.

"Always." He mumbled his response, then pulled me over so we were face to face. "Did you sleep at all?"

"For a little while."

"You know, we don't have to figure it all out today."

"I know." I tucked myself against him.

"There are computers we can use at the complex to find a clinic." Eric wrapped an arm around me.

"Good. When do you work next?"

"Saturday. I'm scheduled from seven until one, so if you want to come around noon, I can set you up." He offered.

"I work from eight until two." I frowned.

"Well, then I'll do a search and print up what I find so you can look it over and make a decision."

"Thank you." I breathed him in again and closed my eyes.

I was just getting really comfortable when the oven beeped to let me know it was preheated. I groaned, not wanting to get out of bed. I was so comfortable. Didn't that pizza know I was having a rough day? Couldn't it put itself in the oven?

"I got it." Eric said as if he'd read my mind.

"No, no, it's okay."

"Really, Sookie, it's fine. You relax and I'll go put the pizza in the oven."

"How did you-"

"Because you're you. Stay put." He kissed me quickly then went to take care of the food.

Even with the pregnancy, I had to wonder how I got so lucky.

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Okay, so who wants an Eric like this one? *watches hands shoot up* Yeah, I thought so.


	4. Consideration

I feel like I need to say this on account of all the reviews I've received for this story so far. No, this is not your typical love story. I get that because of the subject matter there are people who will hesitate to read it. I would like to think this is a very real situation that could easily happen. I've had people give me props for pushing the envelope with this story, but really, I don't think I'm pushing much of anything. It's just the way life is. This fandom, while I love it, definitely has its trends and expectations from the readers. I don't know how it is for you guys, but for me, I want a challenge. I don't want to write a variation on a story that has already been written. So while this concept might seem a bit out there, I wanted to try something different. This story will have a happy ending, it just won't be a traditional one. Time to open your minds, baby birds.

Thanks to **scribeninja, slacker dee and chanel addict** for being such awesome chicks and reading these chapters before I unleash them on the world. You guys are awesome.

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Chapter 4: Consideration

Eric brought me the information he found. I made an appointment at a free clinic about an hour away from home. It meant having to trade shifts with one of the waitresses to go, but it would be worth it if I didn't have to go to Dr. Ludwig. I was holding out hope the doctor would tell me the two pregnancy tests I had taken were false positives- it was all a big scare and Eric and I could go back to business as usual.

If, by some miracle, I got my wish, I was going on the pill. A second form of birth control couldn't hurt. I managed to trade shifts with Ginger so I could make my appointment. The hard part would be concealing all of this from Gran until Eric and I knew what we were going to do.

In my gut, I knew as much as I didn't really want to do it, I had to look into adoption. I tried to crunch the numbers in my head and see if there was a way to make it work, but there was no way. We could both drop out of school and get full-time jobs, but then there was daycare to pay for. That meant I would probably stay home with the baby. If Eric got _two_ jobs- which I knew he would if he had to- I might as well be a single mom for all the time I would be left alone with our baby.

We would be stuck. As selfish as it sounds, _I_ would be stuck. I would be completely dependent on Eric and I didn't want that. I wanted his support, but I didn't want to _need_ it. I wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet so if things between us fell apart, I would be okay. I mean, I would be emotionally destroyed, but I didn't want to be in financial straits as well.

I relayed all of this to Eric, who was on the same page as me. So, Monday before the appointment, we did an internet search for adoption agencies and information on our options. We found a few different places to choose from, as if we didn't already have enough decisions to make.

"Is this something we should really consider?" Eric asked as he drove to the clinic. "Adoption, I mean."

"I don't know. I mean, in some ways, I think it might be the right thing. But then I think it feels like a cop out because we're being selfish."

"But a baby shouldn't feel like a punishment."

"I know." I agreed with him one hundred percent on that point. "Like, I don't want to look at our kid and be reminded of all the things we had to give up."

"But you also don't want to go through life thinking you wish your kid was there."

He knew me so well, and the tone of his voice told me not only understood, but agreed with me. It was hard to think about it all. I decided to push it away just for a little while and think about something else. We talked about Alexei's upcoming birthday party and Pam threatening to run away from home to get away from Lisa. The two of them didn't get along. There was too much animosity between them. Pam wanted to know who her father was, and all Lisa would say is that his name was Andre and he looked like Pam.

"You don't think she'll actually do it, do you?" I asked him.

"She talks a big game, but Pam's just a brat. Always has been." Eric and Pam were close. Very, very close. She'd had a hard time accepting me when Eric and I first became friends, but she had been one of our biggest supporters when we announced we were dating. Pam and I would never be best friends, but we got along well enough that we didn't drive Eric crazy. Well, we did drive him crazy, but it was on purpose.

"She says she's going to find her father and live with him." Eric shook his head.

"For all she knows he's a serial killer or...a country music fan." I laughed. Sadly, with Lisa, either of those things were entirely possible.

"You have no idea how much I wanted to make a list of famous Andres and tell her to start looking. But then all I could think of was Andre Dawson and Andre the Giant." We both laughed.

"Oh sure!" I gasped for air. "Could you imagine what Pam's reaction would be," I paused for more air, clutching my side as I did so. "If she found out her father was Andre the Giant?" I couldn't stop laughing, and neither could Eric.

It felt good to laugh over something so silly. We talked about mundane things until we got to the clinic. I signed myself in and filled out all the necessary paperwork. We sat in the waiting room and waited, and waited, and then waited some more until my name was finally called. Some blood was drawn for a rapid pregnancy test which came back- not surprisingly- positive just ten minutes later.

The pelvic exam- the first of my life- was so embarrassing. Dr. Claudine Crane was nice. She was friendly and kind, and she didn't judge me for being pregnant. But then she saw girls like me all the time. She figured out I was due at the middle of January. It was too early for an ultrasound. The baby wasn't quite big enough yet.

Eric came into the room and Dr. Crane went over our options with us. We told her abortion wasn't an option we were even willing to consider. She seemed surprised to learn we had already started to do a little research about adoption, and was impressed with the papers Eric had printed. Apparently, most teenagers weren't so well-rounded in their research.

"If I may," Dr. Crane held up a sheet of paper from the stack Eric had handed over to her. "I'm good friends with the executive director at this agency."

I leaned forward to see she was holding up the paper for The Greatest Gift Adoption Agency, and I smiled. That was the agency that had caught my eye in the reading. Dr. Crane told us about the agency and her friend, Nicole Martin, who was one of the senior agents. The agency was ten years old and had matched hundreds of birth mothers with adoptive families.

Birth mom. Huh. That's what all women were who gave birth, but it would be different for me if I gave up my baby. Dr. Crane had much more information about the adoption agencies nearby, but she only had a business card for Nicole. I put the card in my purse and made an appointment for three weeks later for my first ultrasound. I wasn't sure how I felt when we walked out of the clinic. Dr. Crane had given me some things to consider, that's for sure.

Eric and I stopped for dinner on the way home. We ate in the bed of his truck and stared up at the stars. It was nice, all things considered. It felt normal. I wanted to soak up as much normal as I could before things turned to shit.

"Gran comes home tomorrow." I sipped my lemonade.

"I remember."

"I don't want to lie to her, Eric. She's going to be mad enough that I'm pregnant, but then if I hide it for three months, she'll be furious."

"So then tell her the truth. I'm not going to ask you to lie about it, Sookie."

"Just don't volunteer anything, right?"

"I thought we said we weren't going to say anything until we knew what _we_ wanted? If you tell your Gran, she's going to convince you that getting married and raising the baby is the right thing for us."

"Do you really think I would cave that easily?"

"I think her opinion means that much to you."

"Well, yeah, Eric. She's all I have."

"And what about me?"

I sighed and said, "I meant family. Jason and I aren't close, and probably never will be. I can't lose my Gran, too."

Eric sat there silently with a sour look on his face. Just what the hell was his problem anyway? It's not like I would do a total 180 because Gran said so. A few days ago he was telling me to have faith in Gran and now he was acting like she couldn't be trusted.

"Eric, are you mad at me?" I knew the answer but I wanted to hear it from him.

"I'm stressed out. I got you pregnant. My Mom is on one of her benders. My Dad might be getting out of jail. We may or may not have to completely throw out all of the plans we made for the future. Or, we might have to give up our kid to someone else. It's a lot to deal with, and then there you are acting like Gran's the only one in the world who is on your side."

"I didn't mean it like that and you know it, Northman!" I argued with him. He didn't say anything else so I jumped off the truck bed.

"Where are you going?" Eric called out.

"Home! Now you have one less thing to stress you out! I'm sorry I'm such a big weight around your neck!" I shouted and kept on marching.

I knew it was stupid. I knew we were picking fights to make ourselves feel better. Of course it didn't work because all I wanted was him. I wanted to curl up with him and forget all of our problems and the rest of the world. I hated that I needed him so much sometimes.

I told him I chose him, but really, the choice had been made for me by some higher power. Even when we fought and I was dangerously close to hating him, I still loved him more than anything else in the world. He had the ability to drive me insane and calm me down completely all in one breath. I don't know how he did it, but he did.

He gave me a few minutes to cool off before I heard his truck creeping up behind me. He pulled the truck off to the side of the road and put it in park. I heard the door slam behind me but I didn't stop walking.

"Are we done fighting now?" He shouted. I stopped and turned to see him standing in front of his truck looking apologetic and miserable.

Oh, who was I kidding? We got on each others nerves and pissed each other off but we always came back for more. This time would be no different. I would be miserable without him, even if I was completely annoyed. I nodded slowly and then ran at him. He caught me when I jumped. I wrapped my arms and legs around him and kissed him hard.

The world was right again.


	5. Concealed

Chapter 5: Concealed

Gran got home while I was at work the next day. I wasn't ready to see her just yet, so I stayed out until midnight with Eric. I was hoping I'd get home after she went to bed. She didn't usually wait up for me. She was pretty strict about her schedule. She was in bed every night by ten thirty, and she was up every morning at six. She made me breakfast and then went on to her senior citizen's club meetings, her quilting club or to the library where she volunteered twice a week in the records room.

When I got home it looked like she had tried to wait up for me. She was asleep in her favorite chair in the living room with a book laying open on her chest. I thought about waking her, but decided not to. I tip toed to my bedroom and quietly changed clothes. Getting to and from the bathroom without waking her would be difficult if she still had her hearing aide turned on. I pressed myself against the wall and slowly made my way down the hall, staring right at her as I went.

I managed to brush my hair and teeth and wash my face. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, turned off the lights and opened the door slowly. Gran was still out cold in her chair, leading me to believe she had turned her hearing aide off after all. I made my way down the hall and got into bed. I stared up at the ceiling for the longest time. I felt terrible for avoiding her but I knew it would all come tumbling out of my mouth if I talked to her.

The next couple of weeks were no easier. Eric and I spent as much time together as we could, although we were both busy with work so we didn't get as much time together as we might have liked. Gus' parole hearing came up and Eric asked me to go along with him for it. I was a bit nervous since I'd never met Gus before. I wasn't sure what to expect. Gus had expressed an interest in meeting me and I figured since Eric and I were pregnant, I was going to have to meet Gus sooner or later.

So, I told Gran I was tagging along with Eric to visit a college downstate. Eric and I sat in the back of the room where the hearing was being held. He was dressed like it was picture day at school and I was wearing one of my church dresses- a white one with red flowers on it I knew he loved. The second Gus was brought into the room it was easy to see the resemblances between him and Eric. They had the same bone structure. They had the same nose and arch to their brows.

Eric had inherited his blond hair from Lisa, as well as his mouth and the color of his eyes. Gus had dark brown eyes and much thinner lips. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to remember my parents. I couldn't remember what their voices sounded like anymore, which made me sad. It used to be the only thing that comforted me when I missed them. Too much time had passed.

Thinking of my parents led me to thinking of the baby growing inside me at that very moment. I'd been doing a lot of reading on pregnancy. I kept a book in my pool bag where Gran would never think to look. I learned that babies could hear the mother's voice while they were still in the womb. By the time he or she was born, my baby would know me by the sound of my voice, as well as the beat of my heart. I was absolutely amazed by these things.

I got so lost in my thoughts that I completely missed what happened in Gus' hearing. Eric looked glum when I finally met his eyes. Things didn't go well. The parole board didn't believe Gus was ready to be integrated into society again. His next hearing would be in another year.

"I'm sorry, Eric." I squeezed his hand. I didn't know how I felt about Gus being released, but I knew Eric was hopeful.

"It was a long shot." Eric shrugged, but his disappointment was evident.

We watched as Gus was taken out of the room, presumably to return to his cell. He waved at the doorway and smiled in our direction. Eric and I stayed seated. I didn't know what the right words were to comfort him, so I just sat there next to him until he'd decided we'd been there long enough. We slipped out of the room quietly and back to the security check-in area to sign ourselves out.

"Are you really okay with this?" I asked once we were back in his truck.

"I really don't know what to feel, to be honest. I love him because he's my Dad. At the same time, it pisses me off that he keeps ending up in the same situation over and over, you know? Like why can't he just be fucking normal?" Eric stared off into the distance.

There were tears in his eyes. My heart broke for him, and I slid across the bench seat of the truck to give him a hug. For as long as I'd known him, his father had always been this phantom in his life, coming and going when it was convenient for him. Gus was never a full-time Dad, yet Eric clung to what he knew in hopes that someday, Gus might straighten up and fly right. Personally, I didn't think that was ever going to happen.

If it wasn't straight up crime that was going to get Gus in the long run, it would be the drugs. Eric had asked Gus many times over to explain how he'd gone from a very promising and driven pre-med student to someone who was robbing liquor stores and snorting cocaine. Gus, to my knowledge, never really gave Eric much of an answer. Although, I don't suppose there was an answer good enough to really explain it all.

For me, the better question was why hadn't Gus learned from his mistakes?

We headed back to Eric's house. Alexei was at the sitter's while Lisa was at work. Pam was at a friend's house for a few days. Pam was rarely ever home anymore. She was forever couch surfing from one friend to another. It was shocking no one had called child protective services on Lisa, it really was. It was a rare opportunity to have the house all to ourselves when we were at Eric's.

What was more fascinating to me was how we seemed to be in a similar mood but for very different reasons. Eric was thinking about his father and the loss he'd suffered there. I was thinking about the baby growing inside me, and the likelihood I wouldn't be able to keep it. There was the need to feel loved, valued by someone. No one, and I mean no one, loved or valued Eric more than me. I knew it was the same for him.

Hungry kisses quickly gave way to the shedding of our more formal clothes. Eric locked his bedroom door, even though it would only take a butter knife to jimmy it open if someone really wanted to bust in on us. Eric's fingers slid between us, touching me expertly until I was ready to take him inside. My back arched and my legs opened just a little wider. He was big, but I was used to him.

He slid inside me without a condom. Really, what was the point? I was already pregnant, and I was the only girl Eric ever had sex with. Might as well save the money for more important things. I don't mind admitting my mind wasn't really there with him in the moment like I wanted it to be. I was too busy listening for someone to come home.

Of course, Eric noticed this and stilled inside me, making me feel deliciously full and connected to him. His eyes met mine. They were such a pretty shade of blue, almost like the color had been mixed just for him. Those eyes. How I loved those eyes. They could make me smile, break my heart, haunt me, tease me, do any number of things. Most importantly, I saw myself in them. That's what I loved most. He saw me. All of me, and he never ran away.

He brushed some of my hair away from my face and asked, "Where did you go?"

I smiled weakly, stretched forward and kissed him. "I'm with you." I whispered against his lip, and on he pressed.

I was with him after that. I let the rest of the world fall away, and looked deep into his eyes. I bit his shoulder when my orgasm ripped through me, and he tumbled over the edge right after me. It wasn't until we had sex without a condom that I realized just how messy it could be. It was while Eric was cleaning me up a few minutes later that I realized there was just the tiniest hint of a bump starting to show on my belly.

I didn't notice it when I was standing up, but from that point of view, it was different. I bit my lip and willed away the tears that started to collect in my eyes. If I started to show, that was it. I could get away with saying I was stress eating for only so long before people- mostly my Gran- started to ask questions.

Eric snuggled next to me on the bed after tossing me one of his t-shirts and my panties to put on. He slipped on a pair of boxers. I liked wearing his clothes, maybe a little too much. I had a small collection of his t-shirts and hoodies in my closet at home. If it wouldn't freak Gran out so much, I'd probably sleep in them more often. As it was, Eric got into bed next to me. He wrapped me tightly in his arms and kissed my head.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" He whispered, on the verge of sleep.

My doctor's appointment. Tomorrow we would hear our baby's heartbeat. "Not really. Hearing it will make this real."

"It _is_ real, Sookie." He stroked my arm with this thumb.

"I know, but right now I can pretend like it's not." I mumbled against his chest. I snuggled closer to his heart, the sound soothing me as much as the sound of my own heart would soon soothe our baby.

I was thankful he didn't say anything else. Instead, we both drifted off to sleep.

**o.O.o.O.o**

The baby was growing right on schedule. It was too small yet for a sonogram, but the Doppler Dr. Crane moved around with determination on my belly eventually found the heartbeat. It sounded like a herd of galloping horses had made their new stomping grounds in my uterus. It was amazing, breathtaking and life changing. I was never going to be the same after that.

"How have you been feeling?" Dr. Crane asked as she handed me a napkin to wipe the cold goo off my belly.

"Okay, for the most part. I get a little queasy in the afternoon, but I haven't had morning sickness." I had been a bit worried by that. Not that I was looking forward to throwing up, but wasn't that one of the benchmarks of pregnancy.

"You're lucky." Dr. Crane smiled as she made notes to my file.

"Lucky?" That wasn't really the adjective I'd choose to describe myself.

"Not every woman vomits during the first trimester of pregnancy, but many of them do. Consider yourself lucky you fall into the small percentage that doesn't." Oh, well, then yes, I guess I was lucky. "How are you feeling about your options? Have you told anyone else that you're expecting?"

Expecting. Yeah, like I was a 1950's housewife. Not.

"No, we thought it was best to wait until we know what we're going to do." I explained.

"Have you talked with Nicole?"

"No." I shook my head.

"I think you should. I'm not trying to push adoption on you by any means, but they have counselors on staff that can help you make the decision if you're struggling with it." Dr. Crane advised.

I looked at Eric and knew what he was thinking. "We can't really, I mean we-"

"It's not in our budget." Eric said bashfully.

Dr. Crane smiled warmly and said, "It's not a service they would charge you for."

"Even if we decide not to give the baby up?" I was blown away.

"Even if you decide to parent your baby. They're there to help you make difficult choices. They aren't going to manipulate you into something you don't want." Dr. Crane's voice was full of confidence.

I was overwrought with the image of teen mothers forty years ago being concealed in those unwed mother homes, their babies being taken right after birth to be adopted whether the birth mothers wanted it that way or not. It horrified me to think there were so many women who were made to feel as if they didn't have a choice, and I was thankful I wasn't in their place.

"We'll look into it." I promised Dr. Crane.

"Good. Do you have any other questions?" She looked from me to Eric and back again.

Eric had a few that he didn't hesitate to ask. Dr. Crane answered them professionally, but not too clinically, which was good. She was easy to talk to, which made going to see her that much more comfortable for us. We left with another appointment for a few weeks later to have our first sonogram, and promised Dr. Crane we would talk to Nicole at the adoption agency.

"Is it weird that I was a little excited about hearing the baby's heartbeat?" I looked to Eric as he drove us home.

"No, I don't think so. It was that scary kind of cool, right?"

I nodded and said, "I hate that we can't be more openly excited about this. No matter what decision we make, there's nothing easy about any of this."

"You know, I always told myself that if I ever had kids, I would put them first." Eric admitted quietly.

"Me, too." I bit my lip.

"I think we need to really talk to Nicole, Sookie." There was sadness in his voice.

"Yeah." I squeezed his hand, but looked out the window.

None of this was easy.

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These poor kids. I just want to hug 'em. If you haven't seen it yet, I posted a promo piece for the **Happily Never After Contest** called I'll Be Here In the Morning. It's missing an HEA (obviously), but I think it's an excellent story all the same, if I do say so myself. If you haven't read it yet, go check it out. Thanks for reading!


	6. Education

Chapter 6: Education

Nicole was very agreeable to meeting us. I got the feeling Dr. Crane had made a call on our behalf to forewarn Nicole we would be calling, but I couldn't confirm whether or not that was true. She told us she would meet us wherever, whenever. Going to her office would be slightly inconvenient given the time crunch I had on most days between jobs. The day after my ultrasound appointment with Dr. Crane, my nausea kicked into overdrive, and I experienced a nasty bout of vomiting.

Thankfully, Gran was volunteering at the library so I didn't have to explain why I was puking my guts out. What I did have to explain was my sudden increase in bra size. It seemed as though I'd gone up a cup overnight. Eric's eyes had about bulged out of his head when I showed up at the apartment complex in a bikini that barely contained my breasts. My breasts has been more than big enough before I got pregnant. Now they were gargantuan.

"Eyes up, Northman." I shook my head.

"Sorry, they're just hypnotic." His head tilted to the side and I slapped his arm.

"I made an appointment with Nicole for Thursday since I'm off that night. Are you free?" I asked him.

"Should be. Where's the office again?"

"Wheaton, but we're not going there. She's going to meet us over in River Forest."

"Why River Forest?" He arched an eyebrow.

"Because it's not too far away, but not so close that we're likely to run into someone we know. Besides, I have a huge craving for peanut butter cup gelato." I spread out my towel and lay back in the chaise lounge I always parked myself in.

"You look way too sexy in that bathing suit, Stackhouse." Eric flashed me a hungry look.

"Keep it in your pants. _We're_ on the clock. Besides, my boobs are frickin killing me today. They may look fun, but they're sore." I grabbed my pregnancy book out of my bag.

"I promise to be gentle." He winked at me.

"Get back to work, or you're going to be begging _me_ to be gentle." I kept my eyes on my book.

"Yes, Mistress." He snorted, then headed off to get his next assignment.

Once he was gone, I dropped my pregnancy book in my bag and instead, grabbed a new one I'd picked up a few days before about adoption. The book was a collection of stories from birth mothers, adoptive parents, grandparents, adopted children and then adults who were adopted. The stories were often heartbreaking, but inspired hope. Of course, I wouldn't necessarily expect them to be published, but I didn't read a single story from an adult that had been adopted where they wished they hadn't been placed with their parents.

Yes, there was curiosity over where they came from. Open adoption- a form of adoption that was rapidly growing on me- didn't exist until recently. By recently, I mean within the last decade or so. For centuries, adoptions were closed. Adoptive parents didn't keep in contact with the birth parents. Once the papers were signed, sealed and delivered, that was it. All ties to the birth family were cut.

That, I couldn't do. _If _Eric and I chose adoption, it would have to be an open one. I wondered just how much contact was possible in an open adoption. Of course it didn't make a whole lot of sense to just pop by whenever we felt like it. If we did, then what was the point of it all?

There were lots of things to consider, and I hoped Nicole could help to put it all into perspective for us. Eric and I had talked about it a little, but neither of us were ready to commit to a decision one way or another. I think we were both hoping for some sort of sign. More than that, I think we both knew deep down what the right thing was to do, we were just afraid to say it out loud.

I smiled and made small talk with the people who came down to the pool. Whenever someone shot me a strange look for my choice of reading material, I explained it away as a project for a summer course I was taking at the community college. I was known for my academic achievements, so it wasn't that big of a stretch. Eric was done working an hour before me, so he came over to the pool and brought me lunch. Such a good boyfriend I had.

We ate together, and by the time I was finished, it was time for me to go home. I handed over the reigns to a college student named Hoyt who had a similar reaction to my bountiful chest as Eric had earlier in the morning. Eric didn't appreciate the attention being paid to what he had no trouble claiming as his favorite parts of me. Hell, if he were just a bit more brazen, he probably would have grabbed my boobs and declared them as his in front of everyone.

Instead, I slipped on a pair of cut-off shorts and a loose tank top and led him away from the pool. We walked to his truck hand in hand. He drove me home where Gran was pulling weeds from the front flower beds. She smiled when she saw us approaching. So far, I'd been able to keep my secret to myself. I wore Eric's shirts more and more to hide my changing form. So far Gran hadn't said much about it, but I knew it was only a matter of time.

"Hey Gran." I waved as we walked up to the house.

"How was work?" Gran smiled up at us.

"Oh, fine. My tan is darkening nicely." I held out my arm.

"I wish you wouldn't spend so much time in the sun. You'll have leather for skin by the time you're forty if you're not careful." Gran clucked her tongue, then looked to Eric. "Maybe she'll listen to you."

"I listen to you, Gran." I sighed.

"Mmmm." Gran went back to her weeding. "I made tuna fish if you're hungry."

"We already ate, but thank you."

"Do you work tonight?"

"No, it's my night off." I was thankful for it. I hadn't slept well the night before. I was sorely in need of a nap.

"Well, I've got church this evening, so I won't be here for supper."

"I know, Gran." It was Monday. She'd been leading Bible study on Monday nights since I was old enough to stay home alone. Before that, I had to go with her.

While Gran liked Eric well enough, she wasn't too crazy about Lisa. More than once Lisa had shown up drunk to retrieve Eric, and she had outright forbidden me from ever getting into a car with Eric's mom before of it. I couldn't blame her, but it certainly made going to Eric's house difficult since he lived on the other side of town. Of course, it was different now that he had his own car.

"Do you want some help?" I offered Gran.

"No, honey, I'm fine here. I've just got a few more of these little nasties to pull, and I'm off to pick up Maxine. We have to make a stop at Gottlieb to check in on Caroline. She had another stroke." Gran shook her head.

"Good gracious, that poor woman." I put a hand on Gran's shoulder.

"I know it probably doesn't sound very christian, but they really should just let the Lord take her. She's...well, she's older than I am. I think her time has come and gone more than once, and those doctors keep interfering with the Lord's plan." Gran said in a voice just above a whisper, her eyes shifting like she thought she was being watched.

I nodded along. Honestly, I didn't know how I felt about religion and God anymore. I wanted to believe God existed, and it wasn't just some scare tactic adults used to keep kids in line, but the truth was, I wasn't really sure. I'd seen too many horrible things happen. Not just to me, but to Eric and the world around me. I'd experienced more loss than I should have, and I found it harder to take comfort in some supposed higher being than Gran did.

Eric and I went inside and down the short flight of steps to the basement. The house was a split level ranch. The first floor was technically the basement, since most of it was underground. The garage was attached down there. The first floor featured a living room where the television was. There was a small storage area, a powder room and the laundry room. There was a small flight of stairs that led up to the front door, then a second small set of steps that led to the second floor of the house. Up there we had the kitchen, dining room, family room, three bedrooms and and two bathrooms.

Gran had a small TV in the kitchen, so she rarely came downstairs unless she was doing laundry or needed something from storage. She rarely entered the house through the garage door, preferring instead to make a trip around our yard before coming in through the font door, or the kitchen door. A long flight of steps led down to the cobblestone path that extended all the way to the patio area.

Our house was on the corner and looked a little like a country cottage. Gran had decorated the house in a kitschy country theme. There were little statues and figurines all over the place of various farm animals with a high concentration on pigs. Gran loved pigs. When I was younger I'd joked with her if she'd had Jason come stay with her, too, she wouldn't need all the figurines as a reminder of what a pig looked like since she'd have one right down the hall. Gran wasn't amused, but I thought it was funny.

I left Eric down on the couch while I hustled upstairs to change clothes. I was going to have to go bra shopping really soon. For the time being I could get away with wearing one of the tank tops I slept in that had a built in bra in it. I'd just put on one of Eric's tank tops over it, and I'd taken to wearing loose fitting capri pants. I dressed for comfort and not for style. If we were going out, I'd wear one of my more bohemian summer dresses and no one was the wiser for what the flowing skirt was hiding.

My belly wasn't my concern yet, although my pants and shorts were definitely starting to get snug. I was at eleven weeks. At the time I got pregnant, I was a size six. I was fairly certain I'd gone up a size, and would easily go up a few more before all was said and done. I turned to the side and looked into the mirror above my hip high dresser. I lifted the tank top I was wearing and stared at my stomach. Not much bigger than it had been before, but there was a little bit of each pouch there.

I let my hand rest on it and tried to imagine what it would feel like when the baby was big enough to kick. With everything so up in the air, it was hard to be excited. I put my shirt down and headed to the basement. Eric was already stretched out on the couch, waiting for me to join him. His boots were off, as was the hunter green button down shirt he had to wear at work. That left him lounging in a pair of hunter green pants and a wifebeater.

Why did Gran have to be home when he looked good enough to eat? I sank down on the couch with him and fitted myself into the crook of his arm. He smelled like a man. Just the right blend of sweat and aftershave. He kissed my forehead and played with my hair until I fell asleep.

**o.O.o.O.o**

Nicole was about my height and size. Our builds were different, but we were both blonde with blue eyes. She had a bright smile and a soothing voice. She spoke with enthusiasm, but not the sort that made me want to smack her the way some girls did. Nicole was in her mid-thirties, if I had to guess, and there was a sizable diamond sitting on her left ring finger.

"Sookie?" She beamed a million dollar smile at me when I approached her. She'd told me she would be wearing a turquoise print dress so I would know who she was.

"That's me. You must be Nicole." I extended a hand. Instead, she hugged me. It was unexpected, but not as weird as I thought it would be.

"Yes, I am. And you," She let me go and moved to Eric. "Must be Eric."

"Yep." He nodded, clearly not as comfortable getting a hug from her as I was. I shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

"I'm so glad you called. Claudine filled me in a little on the particulars of your pregnancy." Nicole said as we all sat down at the table. "She told me you're considering adoption, but haven't made a decision yet."

I looked at Eric and he took my hand under the table, lacing our fingers together. "Well, there are lots of things we don't know about the process."

"That's understandable. I'm guessing this wasn't a planned pregnancy."

Eric and I laughed. "Definitely not." We said in unison.

"Do you mind my asking how long you've been together?" Nicole sipped her iced tea.

"Well, we met when we were eight." I started, and was interrupted by a waitress who'd come to take our drink order. I had water, Eric got coffee. Eric and coffee was rarely a good combo. "Things changed at the tail end of our freshman year of high school, so we've been together for a little over two years."

"So you've known each other a long time?" Nicole smiled.

"He's my best friend." I smiled at Eric, who nodded and mirrored my sentiment. There was a moment of silence just long enough for me to decide it was gelato time. "If you'll excuse me, there's some peanut butter cup gelato calling my name. I'll be right back."

I got in line to get my ice cream, casting glances over to the table where Eric and Nicole were sitting. Eric continued to look uncomfortable. I did see his lips moving, so at least he was answering whatever questions Nicole was asking. That was a step in the right direction. Eric wasn't the shy type by any sense of word, but he was very likely to sit back and scrutinize a person's character before deciding whether or not to indulge them in anything more than small talk. Me? I'd talk to just about anyone about anything. Eric was always telling me to be more selective and less trusting. I was always telling him to lighten up and quit thinking everyone was going to screw him over.

I got my gelato and a hazelnut milkshake for Eric. Eric looked a bit more animated when I got back to the table, which was a relief. He and Nicole were talking about politics, which Eric found fascinating. I thought it was dullsville. I stayed informed because I had to for school and because Eric jabbered on about it like a monkey in a tree sometimes.

"So, why don't you tell me where you're at in the decision making process?" Nicole suggested after a few more minutes of small talk.

I looked to Eric, who laced his fingers with mine again under the table. He nodded for me to go first, like the gentleman he was. I collected my thoughts, cleared my throat, and started talking.

"Well, we've successfully ruled out abortion as an option." I started there so she knew it was one less option we needed counseling on. "We just aren't sure if now is the right time to have baby."

"Actually," Eric spoke up and squeezed my hand. "We know it's not the right time."

That was true, I just hated to say it out loud. He was stronger than me.

"We also both grew up in less than ideal situations. My parents died when I was eight and I went to live with my grandmother, which is how I met Eric. I wouldn't say that we're poor, necessarily, but there's really no way my Gran can afford to help us take care of this baby and there's no way we could do it without help."

"And you, Eric?" Nicole looked to Eric.

"My Mom's been married three times. I have a half sister with an essentially anonymous donor for a father. He's never been part of the picture. My half brother just turned five, and my current step-father isn't really someone who should be left to care for a small child. He's not physically abusive, but he yells a lot. I don't want my kid around that." Eric said with conviction. I didn't want my kid around that either.

"And your father?"

"Prison. He's been in an out my whole life. He's never committed a violent crime, but he is a drug addict. It's just not a healthy environment."

Nicole smiled appreciatively. "Have you told anyone about the pregnancy?"

"No." Eric and I said in unison.

"We thought it would be best to hold off on that until we knew what we wanted." Eric volunteered.

"So you haven't had any family or friends to talk to about this?" Nicole looked a bit sad.

"My Gran is a very religious person, Nicole. She would push for Eric and I to get married and raise this baby because to her, it's the only solution. The fact that we even see this baby as a problem tells me that maybe we're not the right people to raise it." I stared down at my hand connected to Eric's.

A lone tear slipped down my cheek. Eric reached with his free hand to wipe it away. I'd never said those words out loud before. I'd been thinking them for weeks.

"But we don't understand enough about adoption to know if that's what's right for us." Eric finished for me.

"Well, then it's a good thing you called." Nicole reached out over the table and put a hand on each of our free ones. "We'll figure this out, okay? We'll find the right solution for you, and for your baby. I promise."

There was hope in her eyes and it made me believe such a thing was possible. I nodded and Eric squeezed my hand again. We could do this.


	7. Alternatives

Chapter 7: Alternatives

I already knew from my reading that there were three main types of adoption: closed, semi-open and open. A closed adoption was out. There was no way I could let my baby be sent off to live with strangers I never met. It would be like picking a number out of a hat and blindly shipping my baby off. I couldn't do it. Semi-open adoption was something I could understand. It would allow us to get letters, pictures and updates from the adoptive parents about how the baby was doing. Then open adoption would give us the letters, photos and updates, but there would be phone calls and visits as well.

I liked the idea of being able to visit our kid from time to time, even if I was sure it would break my heart to leave. Still, being able to go on a picnic or read a book with my kid- even if it was only once a year- would be better than nothing at all. We had yet to reach an official decision as to what we were going to do, but adoption was becoming the more than likely choice for us.

"If we decide on adoption, we have to start thinking about what kind of people want raising our kid." I said to Eric one day while we were walking around my neighborhood.

"It'd be nice if the mom could be home with the kid. That's something neither of us ever had." It sure wasn't. Even my own mother hadn't been able to stay home with Jason and me.

I smiled and said, "And the dad trots off every day with his briefcase to some big office building."

"Mom bakes cookies."

"Dad coaches little league."

"They take the kid to Disney World and museums." Eric smiled down at me.

All the things we never had. I pressed my lips together, desperately fighting to keep in the words on the tip of my tongue. I lost the battle.

"They can give our kid all the things we can't." We didn't even know who _they_ were, but we would get to choose. "Are we being selfish, Eric, if we do this?"

"I think it would be more selfish to keep the kid just to prove that we _could_ do it, don't you? I mean, look at my Mom." Eric shrugged. Yeah, he was right.

Two weeks had passed since we met Nicole. I was at thirteen weeks. I was officially showing. I'd bought some new clothes. Gran was starting to suspect something was up, but she had yet to confront me over it. I was having regular conversations with Nicole via phone. We'd met with her the previous week at her office in Wheaton to get a tour of the agency. It was a nice place. There was even a nursery there for babies that were sort of in parental limbo.

There were birth moms who were having trouble deciding what was right for them, and until they knew for sure, the agency was caring for the babies. I'd met a girl the same age as me named Jessica. She had pretty red hair and a shy smile. Her son, Simon, was five weeks old. I learned that she also came from a very religious family. Her pregnancy had been a great source of shame for her parents. To make matters worse, they didn't believe her when she said the pregnancy was a result of a rape.

The genuine emotion in her eyes told me she wasn't lying. My heart broke for her. She was pro-life and absolutely refused to have an abortion, in spite of what her parents had tried to force her to do. Jessica called them Bible beaters and zealots. She struggled with her decision the same as I did, only Jessica was truly alone. I, at least, had Eric to lean on. His pain was as great as my own, and we shouldered it together.

Yet, that didn't make things any easier. It was a difficult decision to make. So many lives were hanging in the balance. What we wanted today, we might come to regret in five years. Only we wouldn't know it until it was too late. I told myself the only rational thing to do was trust my instincts.

So Eric and I talked and talked, and then talked some more. I think we both knew what the only logical decision was; we were just reluctant to say it out loud. I was torn. On one hand, I thought it was a bigger act of love to give our child to someone else to raise who would provide all the things we couldn't. On the other hand, I felt like I was being supremely selfish for not 'manning up,' and taking care of it myself. Either way, the choice sucked.

Why couldn't this have happened five years from now? Hell, three years from now would be better. It would still be a struggle since babies were never easy, but at least we would be better prepared for it. At least, I'd like to think we would be. It was true Eric and I had grown up fast. There wasn't a whole lot of choice in the matter. We had to rely on ourselves for a lot of things. The accelerated path to adulthood was part of the reason we got each other.

He understood why I couldn't afford to fuck around at parties on the weekends and drink my body weight in cheap beer. He didn't judge me for putting my school work first and everything else second. He understood my priorities because his were the same. We didn't want to end up in dead end lives. We didn't want to look back when we were forty and think the best of our years had passed us before we reached the legal drinking age. We wanted something more for ourselves.

A baby was going to be a big hinderance to getting the things we wanted. So yes, it might be selfish to give up the baby, but what sort of life would it have with two parents not even old enough to vote? Okay, so voting and parenting didn't have much in common, but still... In the end, all that mattered is the fact that we weren't ready.

Eric came back to my house with me after work one afternoon to find a very pissed off Gran pacing the kitchen. All of my pamphlets on adoption were spread out on the breakfast bar. I tried to keep calm, but I knew the time had come. I couldn't tell her it was for a school project like I could everyone else around town. Gran knew better.

"Gran?"

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7." Gran quoted without looking at me.

"Gran, I-" I started, but was cut off.

"Are you pregnant, Sookie?"

Eric held my hand, squeezing it firmly like he was trying to loan me his strength.

"I am." I could barely get my voice above a whisper.

Gran's shoulders sagged, then began to shake. I let go of Eric's hand, and moved across the room to try and comfort her, but she pushed me away. She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue she'd pulled from the band of her watch. I glanced at Eric, who looked as helpless as I felt.

"When are you getting married?" Gran asked.

"We're not, Gran." I spoke quietly.

Gran stopped crying and stared at me. "You're _not_ getting married? Sookie Stackhouse, you are pregnant. In the eyes of the Lord, you should be married when you birth that child." Gran pointed at my stomach.

"Gran, we're too young to get married."

Gran laughed and said, "Oh, so you're too young for marriage, but you can have a child?"

"We're thinking about putting the baby up for adoption, Gran."

"Oh, no you're not! I won't allow it!" Gran's eyes blazed.

"It's not your decision, Gran." I said softly.

"Do not disrespect me, girl." Gran's tone took on one I'd only heard a time or two in my life. "I have allowed you to spend time with that boy because I knew you cared for him. I thought you respected my rules. Now here you are, just seventeen-years-old, still in high school and pregnant with your first child. This is unacceptable, Sookie. You will rectify the situation by marrying Eric, and taking care of your responsibilities."

"No, Gran, I won't." I argued softly.

Eric wisely kept his mouth shut until Gran turned on him. "And you! You refuse to marry her, is that it? Don't think the child is yours, I suppose."

"That's not it at all, Mrs. Stackhouse." Eric stood against the wall, his eyes fixed on my Gran. He wasn't afraid of her at all. "Sookie and I don't think making another mistake will correct the first."

Gran scoffed. "It's not a mistake, it's a _baby_."

"Are you going to raise this baby, Gran? Are you the one who will have to pay its bills, stay up at night when it's teething or change it's diapers? Are you the one that will have to give up her education and work crappy jobs just to make ends meet? Are you the one who will be stuck in some terrible cycle of wanting more, but never being able to have it because you were stuck in some twisted notion of what it meant to take responsibility for your actions?" I was pissed at my Gran for not even trying to understand my side.

"Don't take that tone with me, Sookie."

"Then answer my question!" I shouted right in her face.

My hormones were off the charts. I was going from one end of the spectrum to the other. One minute I was happy as a clam. Then I could be bawling my eyes out, only to find myself searching for something to lash out against. My Gran had picked the wrong time to poke the beast. It was certainly in the mood for poking back.

Eric stepped forward to pull me away from Gran. "Sookie, calm down." He tried to soothe me.

"No! She hides behind her Bible passages and never says what she's really thinking! You think I'm a slut, don't you Gran? You think I'm an embarrassment." She didn't speak up to argue with me, so I took it as truth. "I don't know if Eric and I are going to raise this baby, but I'll tell you this, I don't want you filling my kid's head with all of your fanatic nonsense!"

Gran glared at me. It felt like we were strangers. She looked like an entirely different person to me, and I'm sure it was the same for her. Without a word she walked past me. I waited to hear a door slam, but instead she came back a few minutes later with two suitcases in her hands.

"You may take whatever fits in these. Give me your key before you go." Her voice was icy cold as she set the luggage at me feet.

My knees went a bit weak. Was she really kicking me out? I'd known this was a possibility. I'd talked to my friend Tara about the possibility of needing a place to stay for a few days. She was a bartender at Lafayette's. Tara was the generally the nosy sort, but she'd given me a free pass when I mentioned my Gran. She considered my Gran to be one of those "Crazy Christians" who twisted Biblical passages to suit their moods. I'd never thought of Gran in such a way until just then.

The slam of Gran's bedroom door and the sudden echo of gospel music told me there would be no arguing. I stared at Eric in disbelief all the same. I was too shocked and angry to cry. The sadness would hit me later. We picked up the suitcases and headed to my room to pack.

**o.O.o.O.o**

Tara's place was a temporary solution to what I assumed was a permanent problem. I was too angry with Gran to consider going back to try and work things out with her. I made a mistake. I could admit that. I could have tried to explain to her how I ended up pregnant, but it wouldn't have mattered. Safe sex or not, I still sinned by having sex with Eric before marriage.

I went by the restaurant to talk to Tara, only to find out she had to take a few days of emergency leave on account of a death in her family. She was going to be down in Tennessee for at least the next three days. I barely made it out of the restaurant before I burst into tears. Eric hugged me, like the good boyfriend he was, and stroked my hair.

"You can come stay with me." He kissed my head.

"First of all, I doubt your Mom would be okay with that. Second of all, it's a temporary solution." I said between sniffles and gasps for air.

"It's better than nothing." Eric led me to the truck.

Things were going to shit. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, I just figured I'd have a little more time before it happened. We got back to Eric's house to find Pam parked in the living room watching HGTV while painting her nails. Alexei was playing with some of his toy trucks, making loud crashing noises. He jumped up when he saw Eric and I, and ran at me full steam.

"Sookie! I didn't know you were coming over!" Alexei loved me big time.

Whenever I was over at their house, he was always roping me into playing with him. If we were watching a movie, he wanted to sit in my lap. It was slightly humorous to watch Eric get a little jealous over how easily his little brother swooped in and stole his girlfriend.

"Easy, little man, Sookie's not feeling good today." Eric said when Alexei wrapped his arms around my legs.

"What's wrong, Sookie?" The little boy with dark eyes looked up at me with concern.

"I'm just sad."

"I'm sorry. Oh! When I get sad I play with-"

"No one cares, runt." Pam interjected. Pam didn't like not being the baby of the family anymore. She had no patience for her little brother.

"Pam, give it a rest." Eric sighed. "Where's Mark?"

Mark Stonebrook was Eric's step-father, and an all-around creep of a man. I refused to be left alone in a room with him. The way he looked at Pam was creepy enough, and she was his step-daughter. I was quite certain he kept his hands to himself or Pam would have castrated him. At the age of fifteen, I had yet to hear a peep about Pam having a crush on a boy. There were plenty standing in line to have Pam treat them terribly, but she just brushed them off.

Pam was interested in fashion and design. She swore up and down she would one day rival the legends of the fashion world. Her dream was to have a signature piece of clothing in the annals of fashion history somewhere between Dior and Versace. She spent her spare time looking through fashion magazines and sketching her future "collections" of clothing.

"How the fuck should I know?" Pam snapped.

"Language, Pam." Eric reminded her. Alexei was still in that phase where he repeated the things he heard. It was bad enough Mark and Lisa couldn't keep a lid on it around him.

"Whatever, Eric. I don't know where Mark is. Marnie called and he took off." Pam said dismissively.

Marnie was Mark's twin sister, and just as much trouble as her brother. Where Lisa found these people, I would never know. Mark was on disability for some back injury he claimed to have suffered. He was also an ex-con who had done time for possession and assault. He wasn't a nice guy, at least by my standards.

"What's with the suitcases?" Pam finally looked up.

"Where's Mom?" Eric ignored her question.

"Work, maybe." Pam shrugged. "She was wearing leather when she left this morning."

Eric groaned and shook his head. "Great."

I didn't know what that meant, but I could figure it out. Eric picked up the suitcases and led me to his room. He set them at the foot of his bed and then collapsed. I sat at the edge of the bed next to him and he pulled me down next to him.

"We should call Nicole. Maybe there's something she can do to help." I suggested.

"Yeah, that's a good idea." Eric hugged me against him.

"No offense, Eric, but I can't stay here. There's enough going on already."

"I know." He kissed my head. "We'll figure something out."

I could only hope he was right, or I was in deep shit.


	8. Arrangements

Chapter 8: Arrangements

I stood at the payphone, tapping my fingers against the glass nervously. I couldn't stay at Eric's anymore. We hadn't told Eric's mother I was pregnant. Instead, when she asked why I needed a place to stay, we told her I got in a fight with Gran. It wasn't a total lie, but it obviously wasn't the whole truth either. Lisa had never much cared for my Gran.

I couldn't blame her for that. Gran had no problem staring Lisa down with an eye of judgment. It always amazed me how Gran could walk around preaching all these things about kindness and being a good Christian and still be so judgmental of others. It was no one's place to judge but the Lord's, and then there was Gran, giving Lisa the stink eye for one reason or another. The whole thing was enough to make me reconsider religion as whole. In short, I'd come to realize, my Gran was a hypocrite.

I'd spent the last three days at Eric's place. We were at his house as little as possible. I had never been so thankful I worked two jobs in my life. Pam's suspicion was immediately raised over what I was really doing staying at their house. She was a perceptive person, in addition to being the one person Eric might spill his secrets to other than me. I could tell from the way she looked at me she knew something wasn't washing with the story we'd told Lisa.

Pam cornered me on day two while Eric was taking Alexei to his sitter's house. "You're knocked up, aren't you?"

I nearly choked on my water. "What?" I sputtered and coughed. "What makes you think that?"

Pam gave me the world's most incredulous look. "Don't insult my intelligence, Sookie. First of all, your tits are enormous. They were big before, but they're epic now. Not to mention, you've got one of those trendy baby bumps that are usually all the rage with drunk cheerleaders."

I bit my bottom lip and debated what to say to Pam. "Pam, I-"

"I'm not going to rat you out, Sookie. What you and my brother do about this is your business. I like to stir shit up, but I don't want to watch you fight it out with my mother. That bitch is crazy."

"You shouldn't talk about your mom like that." I admonished.

"Oh, yes, Mommy." Pam said with mock amusement.

"This isn't funny, Pam."

"It's fucking hilarious!" Pam shook her head. "For the first time in his life, my brother makes a mistake, and _boy_ did he pick a whopper! Please tell me you aren't keeping this kid."

"We don't know what we're going to do."

"You could have it hoovered." Pam suggested crassly with a shrug of her shoulders.

"No, Pam, I can't. First of all, I'm into my second trimester. Second of all, just...no." I shook my head.

"I'm never having kids. Ever. As soon as a doctor will do it, I'm having my tubes tied." Pam announced. "That way I don't have to worry about birth control."

"What about sexually transmitted diseases?" I pointed out. "Sex has consequences, Pam, whether you're fertile or not."

"Whatever." She brushed me off. "The point is, Pam doesn't want kids. So if you're not going to hoover it, then what's your plan?"

"I told you, Pam, we don't know what we're going to do. We've talked to a woman at an adoption agency, but nothing is set in stone. The only person who knows about this is my Gran, so please, don't say anything to anyone about this." I pleaded with her.

"I might be a bitch, Sookie, but I don't fuck over my brother. He's always had my back. If you're carrying his kid- it _is_ his, right?"

"Pam!" I glared at her, and she just smiled.

"Really, it's shocking you let Eric see you naked." She rolled her eyes. Where did she get this stuff?

"Point, Pam?"

"Right. My point is, if you're carrying my brother's kid, then I have the kid's back, too. Don't worry. I can keep my gob shut." Pam promised.

"Thank you, Pam."

"No sweat. You'll just owe me one someday." She shrugged.

Oh, I had no doubt her silence would come with a price. Still, Pam was the least of my worries. Or so I thought until I walked out to the living room to find her crocheting what she claimed was the start of a baby blanket. I was going to throttle her with her own yarn. If that was her idea of keeping quiet...it was a probably a good thing Pam had no intention of being a mother. Her own children would kill her in her sleep.

The bigger problem I had with staying at Eric's house was his creepy as hell step-father. I didn't like the way he looked at me, and it only got worse with my enhanced pregnancy body. In addition to bigger boobs and the little bump I was sporting, my hair was shinier and fuller, my nails were stronger and my skin had taken on a bit of a glow. I made it a point to stick as close to Eric as possible so Mark didn't go getting any ideas.

But then on the morning of day three, I woke up to what I thought was an empty house. I vaguely remembered being just awake enough to hear Eric saying something about taking Pam across town to a friend's house and then running some errands for his mom. He kissed me goodbye and headed out. I don't know how much time elapsed before I woke up. I got out of bed with the urge to pee completely overwhelming me. I ran for the bathroom and cursed under my breath when I realized the door was locked.

I did my little pee pee dance, hoping it would be enough to keep me from having an accident. Thankfully, the door opened a few minutes later. Relief was in sight! But then Mark was on the other side of the door, leering at me. Ugh. Relief disappeared and disgust took its place. The only person I wanted looking at me like I was a four course meal was Eric. Okay, well, _maybe_ Johnny Depp, but since Mark was neither of those men, it didn't much matter.

"Good morning, sunshine." Mark smirked at me.

"Mark." I nodded. "Are you finished in there?"

"I am." He stepped to the side.

"Great. Could uh...do you mind?" I arched my eyebrows.

"By all means." He gestured for me to enter.

"Um, I can handle it myself, thanks." Creeper. Get the fuck away from me.

"Of course you can." His smile grew. He reached out and touched my arm. I shivered, but not for the reasons he was probably thinking. "If you need anything, I'll be right next door."

"Great, thanks." My stomach turned.

As soon as he was out the door, I locked it behind him. What a fucking weirdo! Eric was going to flip his shit when he got back. I was seriously considering just staying locked in the bathroom until Eric got back, but my stomach was growling. My stomach had started to get a little iffy when it came to food. I'd been craving Nutella like whoa. I would put it on just about anything and there was a jar of it in Eric's room.

I took care of business, praying that Mark wasn't standing with his ear pressed to the other side of the door. I thought I heard the slam of the front door. I breathed a sigh of relief, assuming someone had come home. Even if it was just Alexei, I knew Mark would back the fuck off. I stepped out of the bathroom, hoping to see Eric walking toward me.

"Eric?" I called out when I heard nothing.

"It's just you and me, Sookie." Mark was standing way too close behind me.

I froze. What was the right thing to do in a situation like this? I wasn't prepared for it. Inside I was screaming for Eric. I never had to deal with bullies or guys hitting on me because Eric was always right there, ready to defend me. With Mark, it was different. He wasn't just some horny teenager. I felt his fingertips on my bare thigh, moving up toward my hip and I jumped.

"I'm just going to go back to Eric's room. He should be home any second and we have plans today." I hoped that would be good enough. I was wrong.

"Nah, Lisa's got him running errands. He'll be gone for a while." He grabbed my hip and pressed himself against me.

My stomach turned again and I tried to break free of him. He was just leaning in to kiss my neck when the front door flew open and Eric appeared, grocery bags in hand. My heart about jumped out of my chest. Eric took one look at me and dropped everything he was carrying right where he stood.

Rage didn't begin to describe the look on his face. I suppose I should mention that Eric was not only about a half foot taller than Mark, but he was easily half Mark's age. He was stronger, faster and definitely fueled by serious emotions. He was protective of me to begin with. Now that I was pregnant, it was ten times more concentrated. I felt bad for a squirrel that eyed me in predatory way.

Mark shoved me out of the way- his second biggest mistake of the day- and put up his hands in his own defense. Eric seemed to have adopted a policy of punch first, ask later. He landed a good one right in the center of Mark's face. I heard the crunch of his nose breaking, and there was blood everywhere. I gasped in shock at what I saw.

"Don't you ever touch her again!" Eric screamed at Mark, along with a few other obscenities that would make a sailor blush. He punched Mark in the kidneys, and he dropped like a sack of potatoes.

"Eric, stop." I grabbed his arm when it looked like he was going to kick Mark.

"Are you okay?" Eric asked me.

"Just spooked. Come on, let's get out of here." I tugged on his arm.

Eric stared down at Mark, who was groaning and holding his broken nose. "I swear to God, if you ever come near her again, I won't stop."

"Eric, come on..." I urged. I didn't want to be in the house anymore. I managed to drag him into his bedroom. "We have to get out of here. I don't know where I'm going to go, but I can't stay here."

"I'm going with you." He said in such a way that I knew it wasn't up for argument.

I just nodded and started packing. I hadn't unpacked much, but I made room in my suitcases for Eric to take some of his things. Hell, sleeping in his truck was a better option than staying where we were. Once I was dressed and the suitcases were packed, Eric escorted me out of the house. He tossed one last menacing look of warning at Mark before slamming the door of the shoddy old house.

"Where are we going to go?" I asked once we were in the truck.

"I don't know." Eric admitted, but started the engine.

Twenty minutes later I was in the phone booth, calling Nicole. I had the number for her cellular phone, thankfully, since it was Saturday. She answered on the fourth ring.

"Nicole Martin." She answered in that cheerful voice of hers.

"Nicole, it's Sookie." My voice broke.

"Sookie, what's wrong?" Concern. She sounded like how a mother should sound, and not stranger I'd only met twice.

"Eric and I had to leave his house. His step-father...well, he got in my space and Eric broke his nose. We can't go back." My heart was pounding in my chest.

"Where are you? I'll come to you." Nicole promised.

"Um, we're near the apartment complex we work at."

"Give me an address and I'll leave the office as soon as I hang up."

I told her where we would be and she promised to meet us there. Since we had at least a half hour to kill, we went through a drive-thru so I could get something to eat. I tried not to eat fast food, but my options were limited just then.

"How did it come to this, Eric? Four months ago we were normal high school juniors with bright futures. Now we're pending, homeless seniors with a baby on the way. How did this happen?" I asked once I was done eating.

He leaned over the seat and kissed me softly. It was as good an answer as any.

We got out of the truck and went over to the small playground to wait for Nicole. Eric pushed me on the tire swing while we waited. Nicole arrived in another one of her loudly patterned summer dresses, with big Audrey Hepburn style sunglasses perched on her nose. Eric yanked the swing to a stop and helped me out of the tire.

"Are you both okay?" Nicole asked immediately.

I held up Eric's hand so she could see where it was swollen. "The Champ, here, is a little sore, but I'm fine."

"What happened?" Nicole asked.

Eric hadn't even asked. Maybe the look on my face when he walked into the house said it all. Maybe it was better for him not to hear it when we were too close to Mark. No doubt he wanted to inflict more pain, and Mark had barely touched me. Nicole listened to my story, somehow managing to keep the disgust from her face.

"I'm so sorry, Sookie. You both did the right thing by leaving." Nicole offered me a hug and I took it. Hugs were nice. "What about your sister, Eric? Is she safe there with him?"

"Pam? He wouldn't even think of going near Pam. She'd stab him in the balls with a crochet hook just for thinking of going at her like he did Sookie." Eric wasn't far from kidding there. Pam thought Mark was the scum of the earth. She wasn't wrong.

I had no doubt Lisa would be getting yet another visit from child protective services for this. Served her right, to be honest. Nicole sat with us at a picnic table to talk about the options we had for places to stay. As luck would have it, Sophie Ann appeared from out of nowhere. She eyed Nicole, obviously wondering who she was.

"Sophie, this is Nicole Martin. She's an adoption agent." Eric introduced her.

"An adoption agent?" Sophie looked to me, the lights going on in her eyes. "I thought something was different about you."

I shrugged and said, "I'm pregnant."

"I gathered. Nicole, it's nice to meet you. I'm Sophie Ann LeClerq." Sophie extended a hand.

"Very nice to meet you. Eric and Sookie have told me about you." We had.

"All good things, I hope?"

"Very much so. As a matter of fact, there's something you might be able to help us with." Nicole patted the bench next to her.

Sophie sat down with a curious smile. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, Eric mentioned an offer you made to him before about letting him move into one of your properties at a discounted rate, provided he and Sookie maintain a specified grade point average, and continue to work part-time."

"Yes, I did. They're both bright people and I know what sort of home life Eric has." Sophie tried not to look at Eric with pity since he hated that, but she was unable to keep it off her face. She looked to me and said, "No offense, Sookie, but your grandmother is a nutter."

I wanted to argue but couldn't. Gran had certainly earned that title in the last few days.

"It seems Eric and Sookie are in need of a place to stay. My agency can pay the deposit and first and last month's rent on their apartment if you have one available." Nicole told her.

Sophie looked about as shocked as Eric and I were. I thought we'd end up in some shelter or at a hotel or something. I didn't think we'd end up with an apartment of our own.

"Uh, well, is a one bedroom big enough for two people and a baby?"

A whole mess of looks were exchanged. Eric and I joined hands under the table after staring at each other for a moment. We managed to have an entire conversation with just our eyes. I loved that we could do that. I loved that we knew each other well enough to do that. Our connection was strong enough that it allowed for it.

"There won't be a baby." I kept my eyes locked on Eric's.

"We'll be putting it up for adoption." He finished for me.

* * *

Okay, who's crying with me right now? I know I can't be alone in this.


	9. Planning

Chapter 9: Planning

I don't know how we got as lucky as we did. Okay, so, we were in a bad situation. We were seventeen and essentially homeless. We were expecting a baby. Lisa flipped her shit when she found out that Eric was the one who broke Mark's nose. When Eric told her he had walked in on Mark attempting to assault me, she didn't believe him. She chose her husband over her son.

Eric didn't seem too shocked by it, and maybe I shouldn't have been so surprised. There was a small voice in my mind telling me I was essentially doing the same thing. Wasn't I choosing Eric over our baby? Granted, the circumstances were very different, and I would like to think I was making the better choice for our kid. Lisa just didn't want to give up the government checks that came with being married to Mark.

I didn't understand how Lisa could make such a trade, but I guess we all have our priorities in life. She was throwing away what I considered to be the best thing in the world. I wanted to say it was her loss, but it wasn't just _her_ loss. Regardless of the difficulties they often had, Lisa was still Eric's mother. Being shunned like he was wasn't easy. Eric being Eric, he said it didn't matter, that we were better off without her. Maybe he was right, but it didn't take away the sting. I could see it in his eyes when he thought I wasn't looking.

Eric also opted not to tell Lisa about the baby. It was a decision I didn't agree with but it wasn't my decision to make. He reasoned that she wouldn't have anything of worth to add to the situation and we didn't need any more problems or stress. While that was certainly true, I couldn't help but think this was also a way to punish her. It also crept into my mind that maybe, just maybe, he was a little bit ashamed of the situation we were in. I didn't push him, though. I knew when he was ready, he would talk about it.

So how were we lucky? Well, we started to find out who our real friends were, for starters. Word got out quickly that I was pregnant. It wasn't everyday a kid got kicked out of their house in our part of the world. When that kid was someone like me, it was an even bigger deal. I tried to ignore the stares I got from people when I was walking down the street, at the grocery store or at work. The reaction to my predicament seemed to be mixed.

Some folks refused to sit in my section at work, almost like they thought maybe I was contagious. Others were leaving me more generous tips than they had in the past, and giving me winks of encouragement. Lafayette proved himself to be the best boss in the world when he told me he would train me on office work once I got too big to be on my feet all the time. The shift in job titles would afford me a bit of a pay raise and better hours to compensate for my loss in tips. Essentially, I was going to be an assistant manager.

"Lafayette, you don't have to do that." I blushed.

"Don't be ridiculous, Sook. You work hard. You cover shifts when I need you to, and the customers love you."

"They used to." I shrugged.

"Don't you pay those old goats no mind. They just jealous because they know who donated to your cause." He eyed by belly and I slapped his arm.

"You hush with that talk!" I admonished, my face blazing.

"Baby girl, I'd be more nervous if you _weren't_ hitting that." He winked at me, then went back to scrambling some eggs. "You just let me know when it starts to get to be too much for ya, and I'll get ya trained on inventory, payroll and scheduling."

"Arlene's going to shit a brick."

"Arlene ain't as reliable as you. Her kids are always 'sick,' or her car won't start. Last week she told me her dog ate her uniform."

"Arlene doesn't have a dog."

"Exactly."

I laughed and shook my head. God help us if Arlene and Lisa ever got together and started swapping stories. The thought was truly terrifying. Those were two people whose paths didn't need to cross. Ever.

Finally, there was the assistance we were getting from Nicole. Sophie Ann allowed Eric and I to move into one of her apartments at a discounted rate, as she had promised. The deposit was paid by the adoption agency like Nicole said it was. When I asked her how that was possible, she explained the way things worked.

"We are able to pay your living expenses because they will be recouped when your child is adopted. All of your medical and living expenses will be paid by us from now on." Nicole told us.

"What if we change our minds?" Eric asked her. I didn't think that would happen, but it was a logical question to ask.

"It happens, but far less frequently than you think. That's part of the reason I recommended you and Sookie see one of our counselors before you start looking at family profiles. You're making an incredibly difficult decision. You're going to have to trust someone else to raise your child. We do our part by making surprise visits, comprehensive background checks and some of the most thorough home studies in the industry to make sure we are providing the best possible crop of potential parents. Before you fill out the paperwork I gave you, I really think it would be best if you met with one of our counselors just to be sure this is really what you want to do." Nicole advised us.

Eric and I agreed to the counseling without any argument. We figured it made sense to do it, not to mention, it was a small price to pay for everything the agency was doing for us. There were charities set up to help birth mothers with the cost of living expenses while pregnant. They were able to get us some furniture and things for our apartment. It wasn't much, but it was ours. We also had some money tucked away from working. As soon as we were old enough, we had applied for work permits. We'd both started working when we were fifteen, and I had been babysitting since I was twelve.

It also helped that Eric was much better at money management than I was. Gran had taken care of the bills in our house so I didn't have much of an idea what things would cost. Eric, on the other hand, was often left to take care of those things in his house. He had authority to sign checks for his Mom, which I didn't think was really legal since he was under the age of eighteen, but he was the one who made sure bills got paid on time in that house.

I wondered how long it would be before the house was foreclosed on or the power was shut off without Eric living there, making sure things were running perfectly. I worried about Alexei and Pam being left behind. Pam was resourceful enough to find somewhere else to go, but Alexei was just stuck. I couldn't think about that too much. I had enough problems of my own to worry about.

We ended up getting a couch, coffee table, bed, dresser and a dining room table through the various charities connected with the agency. I didn't even know such charities existed. The choices we were making were opening my eyes to a whole part of life I didn't even know existed. I didn't even realize there was a need for these sorts of charities. I started to wonder why adoption wasn't something more teens considered.

I got my answer when the rumors started. There were people looking at me with eyes full of judgment and disgust. I tried not to think about that too much either. To some, I should be ashamed for even getting pregnant. But then I should be even more ashamed for not 'taking responsibility,' as if by choosing adoption, I wasn't doing just that.

There were some who were just never going to understand the situation I was in unless they walked a mile in my shoes. I had to accept that. I couldn't get caught up in what other people thought I should be doing. I also needed to accept the difference between could and should. They were two very different things. _Could_ Eric and I raise our kid? Yes, we could. In fact, we would probably be great parents. _Should_ we raise our kid? No, we didn't think we should. We weren't ready. Ultimately, that was what mattered.

So we went to counseling. We met with a woman by the name of Lauralyn who had been counseling birth parents for years. She completely understood all of the questions, doubts and concerns we had about placing our baby. I stopped saying we were giving our baby up. By saying we were placing him or her, it felt like less of a negative thing. There was still a strain to admit it, but Lauralyn promised it would get easier in time.

"You're allowed to grieve for your baby." Lauralyn told us during our session. "What you're about to go through is a loss. Whether you want to or not, chances are, you're going to bond with this child as you carry it. What sort of adoption are you considering?"

"Open." Eric and I said in unison.

"We want to be able to be a part of this baby's life in some way, even if it's small." My fingers laced with Eric's.

"And we don't want this kid thinking we didn't care." He added.

"We'll tell this child anything it wants to know when it's old enough to understand." It amazed others how Eric and I could carry on one side of a conversation as a single unit, picking up where the other left off.

"You two are very close." Lauralyn smiled at us.

Eric and I smiled at each other, then at her. "We've been best friends since we were eight. Sometimes I think we know each other better than we know ourselves."

"What sort of expectations do you have as far as keeping in contact with your child after the adoption?" Lauralyn asked, pen poised to take notes.

Eric and I looked at each other again before he asked, "Well, what's the norm? I mean, how much is too much?"

"Every family is different. Some only have annual visits while others see each other on a monthly basis. It really depends on what feels right for you and the adoptive parents you choose. The adoptive parents, of course, will always retain custody but it isn't unheard of for adopted children to spend weekends with their birth parents once the child is old enough to communicate and tell the difference between what a birth parent is and mom and dad."

And there it was. Eric and I wouldn't be Mom and Dad. This kid, whoever he or she was, would know us but we wouldn't be its parents. I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a little person running around our house that looked like the perfect blend of Eric and me. I wondered what it would be like ten or fifteen years down the line once Eric and I were married and more established in life. How would this child I was carrying feel about being around his biological brothers or sisters, knowing we were raising them, but not him or her? Would that be weird?

I mentally shook my head. I couldn't think about that now. It was such a long way away. There were too many things in the present to consider. We talked more with Lauralyn about the options we had, and all of the things we needed to think about before choosing an adoptive family for our baby. It was a long list we needed to discuss, but communication had never been a problem for Eric and me. I had no doubt we wouldn't have much trouble coming to an agreement on what we wanted.

"So what'd you think of the counseling?" I asked Eric once we left.

"It was good. I'm just wondering how much of what Lauralyn asked us to consider will be made available in the profiles Nicole gives us to look over." Eric scanned the sheet we'd been given.

"I was wondering that, too. It would be nice if we opened one of the profiles and it just jumped out at us, you know? Like how puppies at the pound will sort of pounce on you and when the right one looks into your eyes, you just know?" I leaned against him.

He laughed quietly at my analogy but agreed all the same. We stopped at the grocery store on the way home to pick up a few things we were short on. When we got back to the apartment, I took a bath while Eric started making dinner. Yes, at seventeen, my boyfriend knew how to cook. That was one of the many by-products of having an irresponsible mother. He had siblings to feed. I learned to cook because my Gran insisted I learn. How was I ever going to catch a man if I didn't know how to fill his belly?

I put a damp, warm washcloth over my eyes and sank deeper into the water. The sounds of Pearl Jam filled our apartment. The windows were all wide open. We only turned the air conditioning on at night right before we went to sleep, and even then, only when it was unbearably hot. Otherwise, we sat on the couch with our patio door wide open. We were on the first floor of the building, and had a cement patio just big enough for a grill and a small table with two chairs. Well, we would have those things eventually. For the time being we just had a concrete slab.

I took a few deep breaths and thought over the things on the list Lauralyn had given us to consider. It was so hard to know what the right choices were. There was definitely a war going on in my head. Part of me said choosing parents the complete opposite of what Eric and I had was a good idea. Our kid deserved to have parents who would always be there, no matter what, and would love this baby.

On the other hand, despite all of the early disadvantages we had in life, Eric and I had still managed to make a rational, mature decision. I wanted to think we were making the best of a less than ideal situation. I decided it was more important to me for our kid to have parents who were going to pitch in during a crisis than it was for them to offer blind, unconditional love. I wanted a mother for our kid who was cool enough not to wear Mom jeans, but not so cool that she wouldn't drop everything to bake dozens of cupcakes for a bake sale.

I wanted the father to teach his daughter to stand up for herself, but still be there to back her up when she needed it. If we had a son, I wanted him to learn how to respect women and honor his family by watching the way his father treated his mother. I didn't care what religion they were. I didn't care what color their skin was. I didn't care if they owned a big house, or lived in a shoebox apartment. Those things were easily changed. Money could be gone overnight and could be replaced.

Although, I supposed financial stability was somewhat guaranteed. I hadn't seen the numbers yet on what it cost to adopt a child, but I didn't think it was cheap. If the adoptive parents would end up paying all of our expenses for the next five months, plus medical bills, it would amount to a pretty big chunk of change by the time the dust settled.

I got out of the tub a short time later to find Eric had everything set up for BLTs. I had changed the way I was eating. The concept of three big meals a day was a lost one for me. Instead, I was eating six smaller meals. We ate together and then cleaned up. We were about to go for a walk when there was a knock at the door.

"I got it." I told Eric, who was already standing at the patio door. I flipped the deadbolt and pulled the door open. "Pam? What are you doing here?"


	10. Profiling

Chapter 10: Profiling

I was definitely surprised to see Pam standing there. Eric came to stand behind me and Pam looked at us both like we were brain damaged. "Are you going to invite me in, or should I keep standing out here sweating my balls off?"

I snorted at Pam's attitude. "Is that really the polite thing to ask?"

She huffed in response and asked, "May I please come in?" So she _did_ have manners. I was starting to wonder. "You practicing for your kid?"

"Something like that." Eric stepped back so I could as well.

Pam walked into the apartment and looked around. "Your furniture doesn't match." Her nose crinkled.

"It was free, Pam. We didn't really get a choice on it." Eric glared at his sister.

"Ever heard of a slip cover? If you got a tan one this couch wouldn't be so bad." Pam sat down, testing the softness of the cushions.

"Can I get you something to drink, Pam?" I offered.

"Water would be nice." Pam said without looking up from the cushions.

I went to the kitchen while Eric started talking. "So, Pam, what brings you here?"

"I thought you should know word got back to Lisa about the baby." Pam informed us. "She overheard Maxine Fortenberry talking to Arlene Fowler about it. Arlene was at the grocery store, bitching up a storm over some promotion you got at work."

I scoffed as I handed Pam her glass of water. "First of all, that promotion was something Lafayette invented out of sympathy for me. He's been handling all of the managerial work for as long as the place has been open. He offered me the change in job titles because he knows I'm not going to be much use to him when I'm big as a house and crabby."

"Yeah, well, Arlene's pissed because when she was pregnant with Lisa, he didn't do that for her." Pam shrugged.

I rolled my eyes. "Arlene gets mad whenever attention isn't focused on her."

"Well, the point is, Lisa knows. She also knows you two have been meeting with some strange woman that no one in town seems to know. She also knows you're living here in this complex, so it's only a matter of time before she figures out which apartment is yours." Pam sipped her water and set it on the coffee table in front of her.

I sat on Eric's lap at the other and of the couch so I was facing Pam. Eric had his eyes closed, his brows furrowed in concentration while he thought. I rubbed the back of his neck and started to explain to Pam who the strange woman was.

"Pam, the woman we've been meeting with is named Nicole. She works for an adoption agency in Wheaton. She's been helping us put a plan together for this baby."

"So you're not keeping it?" Pam's face was blank, completely void of any emotion.

"No, we're not. We're not ready." My hand went to my stomach, and Eric's hand found mine.

"Lisa's going to flip her shit when she finds out." Pam shook her head.

"It's not her decision." Eric shrugged.

"You think she's not going to try and talk you out of it anyway?" Pam rebutted. "She wants everyone to be as miserable as she is."

"Pam, keeping the baby wouldn't make _us_ miserable." Eric looked up at me. We both knew that was only half true.

"It's about what's best for the kid." I kept looking at Eric. I had to keep telling myself that. "If it wasn't for what the agency has done for us, we'd be in deep shit right about now."

"No kidding." Pam crossed her legs.

Pam walked with us for awhile, telling us about how things had been at her house since Eric and I left. With Eric gone, Pam was put in charge of running the house. Pam was the least domestic person I'd ever met. Despite her sense of style, there was not a single part of her that was interested in being a housewife, much less a mother. She was stuck with Alexei a great deal of the time. Lisa was off being Lisa, checking in when she felt like it. Lisa and Mark were fighting a lot, which meant Lisa was drinking more.

It was because of her loose lips while drunk that Eric had learned a great many things about his mother he never wanted to know. It was how he found out about the abortions she'd had, as well as where his father really was. For a long time, she'd convinced him Gus was just away on business. Imagine Eric's surprise when he found out his father was really in prison. I couldn't imagine having to deal with the nonsense Eric had put up with for so long.

By the time Pam decided to head for home, it was almost dark outside. Eric drove Pam home, refusing to let her walk that far so late at night. I sat alone in our apartment with the radio on. I changed the station to country music, knowing Eric would grumble and bitch about it later. Only I knew he didn't hate it as much as he claimed to. On the rare instances he'd let me have it on in the car, I caught him humming along to a few of the songs. He was a big faker when he wanted to be.

I sat on the couch with the sliding glass door wide open. There was a breeze blowing through the apartment, though it didn't do much to cool the place down. I pulled my shirt up and looked down at my little bump. I couldn't feel the baby moving just yet, but I _did_ feel something from time to time. It was like someone was blowing bubbles in there, you know, like if you blow bubbles in your chocolate milk? It's like that. It's a strange sensation.

I hadn't gotten too much bigger, but it was a noticeable bump. I drew little patterns over it, nodding along to the music playing. I glanced at my watch from time to time until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. The sound of the deadbolt flipping over woke me a while later. I turned my head toward the door to see a rather haggard looking Eric step inside.

"I'm sorry." He apologized immediately.

"Jesus, Eric, what happened?" I looked at my watch and saw that it was after midnight. He'd been gone for more than three hours!

"I got into it with my mother when Pam dropped me off. She threatened to call the cops to make me come home." He closed the door and bolted it behind him.

"Don't tell me she decided she wants to be your mother _now_?" I pulled him closer to me until his head landed on my boob and he snuggled against me.

"Not really. She's pissed she lost her chauffeur/babysitting/maid/personal assistant. She also thinks we're being irresponsible by giving up our kid."

I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair. "Of course she does, Eric. We're doing something she never would have had the guts to do."

We sat like that for a while before I suggested we go to bed. Eric groaned at the prospect of having to get up, but we had to. I couldn't sleep like that on the couch all night. I got up first and turned off the stereo. I headed for the bathroom to brush my teeth and take care of business. When I got out, Eric was still slumped over on the couch. I shook my head and decided there was only one sure fire way to get him to come to bed.

I whipped off my shirt and threw it in our bedroom. I covered my breasts with my arm and moved to the patio door to close it for the night and draw the vertical blinds shut. When I turned to wake Eric, I found he was watching me with fascination. I dropped my arm and his eyes went impossibly wider.

"Did you really just stand in that doorway without a shirt on?"

"No one can see. It's dark out and I was covered...sort of. Why? Jealous?" I winked at him and moved to turn on the air conditioner.

We both had the next day off and I was looking forward to sleeping in. I was exhausted. With working two jobs and all of them mental and emotional stress, I just needed a day to do absolutely nothing. The fact that I would get to do it with Eric made it that much better. I held a hand out to Eric in a silly attempt to help him off the couch. He stood up slowly and pulled me into his arms.

"You give the best hugs, you know that?" I snuggled against him and playfully bit his chest.

"I thought you were tired." He yawned.

"I was, but then I remembered we have nowhere to be tomorrow and we have this place all to ourselves." I grinned up at him.

The exhaustion on his face disappeared. "You're right."

Next thing I knew I was scooped up and being carried down the short hallway to our bedroom. Eric dropped me on our bed and began to pull off his clothes. I scooted back on the bed and waited for him to climb up next to me. Seconds later I was lost in a kiss so wonderful I could have died a happy woman right then and there.

**o.O.o.O.o**

Lisa backed off on her threats to call the police when Eric mentioned someone might make an anonymous call to the department of children and family services. If that happened, it was pretty much a guarantee Pam and Alexei would end up in foster care. Eric would be able to have himself emancipated. He was just five months from his eighteenth birthday. He had a job and already had a place to live. A judge might put him in a half-way house for those five months, but it was unlikely.

Eric and I met with Nicole some more and she started us on going through adoptive parent profile books. It amazed me how much work these prospective parents put into the books. There were letters of recommendation from friends and family, pictures and most importantly, letters from the parents themselves telling us about themselves and their reasons for choosing adoption.

Some of the stories were heartbreaking to read. It seemed almost unfair how easily Eric and I had gotten pregnant when there were so many couples who were ready and wanting a child more than anything, only to go through devastating infertility problems. There were so many families to choose from. Eric and I had gone over Lauralyn's checklist with a fine tooth comb.

We had agreed on most points. The only sore spot for us was religion. While I didn't want my kid being raised by a couple of religious wing nuts, I _did_ want the church to factor in somewhere. The more I thought about my own faith, the more I realized it wasn't about the religion so much as it was about _my_ relationship with God. Gran saw things one way and I saw them another. I don't think it made me any less devout in my beliefs. I merely chose to express my faith in a different, less nutty way.

I didn't need to go to church five days a week in order to feel that connection to something bigger. Eric was pretty much agnostic. I think he believed in a higher power, but he wasn't sure what it meant, or where he fell in line as far as labeling himself with a religion. More over, I think if Gran wasn't such a nutter when it came to church, he might not be so against our child being raised in a more religious home.

"Our kid should have a choice, don't you think?" Eric pointed out while we were debating it.

"The kid _will_ have a choice. Just because he or she is raised in a protestant home doesn't mean he or she can't convert to being a baptist later." I shrugged.

"Okay, but what if the kid wants to be Jewish?" Eric pointed out.

"So then the kid will convert." I shrugged again.

"Is it really that simple to turn your back on your faith?" Eric asked me. "Because if it is, then I must again raise the point of why does it matter?"

"Because the point is to have something to believe in. God doesn't care what church you pray in as long as you show up."

"You don't go to church anymore." Eric pointed out.

"That's because the only Lutheran church around here is practically run by my Gran."

Eric snickered and said, "You stopped going to church a long time before you got pregnant."

"I still pray." I argued. "Look, Eric, this is something that really matters to me. I know you don't feel the same and that's fine, but please, let me have this one thing."

I gave him just enough sad puppy face to get my way and I rewarded him with a kiss that promised there's be more later on. We continued to go through the books, putting a few off to the side for further consideration. By the time we were done pawing through the cart full of books Nicole had brought to us, we had four couples waiting for further inspection. Two of them were more religious than the other two. We would have to do some deeper reading before we made up our minds.

We had to get going since I was working the dinner shift that night. Nicole told us to take our time with the books before making a decision. If, after taking a closer look, none of those families gelled with us, she had more for us to see. I hoped we would get lucky with one of the families we had pulled from the stacks, but it wasn't a decision Eric or I would fool with. We'd go through as many books as it took in order for us to find the right family.

We would be bound to these people for as long as our child lived. We promised to think long and hard before making up our minds. When we got home Eric made us something to eat while I went to get changed for work. I had no doubt I would be wiped out by the time he picked me up later. I was in desperate need of a nap. Even though I spent my mornings lounging around the pool doing next to nothing strenuous, I was still exhausted.

If we didn't need the money so bad, I would have just called in sick. Lafayette wouldn't have held it against me but it wasn't my style. I hated leaving him in a lurch, even when I was genuinely too ill to work. I put on my uniform and my comfy work shoes. I pulled my hair up into a tight ponytail and slapped on some makeup.

I found Eric in the dining room already chowing down on what had to be his second grilled cheese. I was fine with one, but that wouldn't hold Eric for very long. I swear, most days he ate enough to fill three of me. I had no idea how he managed to burn off all those calories, but he did. I sat down to eat with him and shortly after we were done, Eric drove me to work.

"I'll see you at ten." He promised me.

"Yes, you certainly will." I slid across the bench to kiss him goodbye.

He held me close to him, not wanting to let me go. I finally had to squirm free from him. He pulled me back to plant one little kiss on the tip of my nose before swatting my backside as I got out of the truck. Someone was feeling frisky. At least I'd have something fun to occupy my mind while I waited tables.

The diner was about as busy as it usually was at that time of night. I dropped my purse in the back and clocked myself in while I tied on my apron. I stopped by the kitchen to say hello to Lafayette. He looked a bit swamped with orders, so I didn't stay long. I checked in with the hostess, Tanya, and then went about taking over Holly's tables so she could head home to her little boy. She'd been a teen mom and was one of the few people who knew what Eric and I were doing and actually supported our choice.

She caught me up on who needed what and what side work was already done for the night. I thanked her and grabbed a pot of coffee to make my rounds. I got the same curious stares I always did with people tilting their head just a little to try and see where my bump was. Honestly, like they'd never seen a pregnant woman before? Was I really that big of an anomaly? I rolled my eyes and kept on pouring coffee for anyone who wanted a refill or a warm up.

I checked in on my tables and closed out a few tickets. I was just getting myself something to drink when I felt a pain in my belly. I didn't think much of it. I figured it was probably just gas. I'd started getting heartburn a lot lately so I didn't think much of the pain. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn't the usual pain I got from gas. And when the pain started to intensify, I got nervous.

I went to the bathroom and began to panic when I realized I was bleeding.


	11. Doubts

Chapter 11: Doubts

The bleeding wasn't heavy, but it was enough to scare the hell out of me. I bought one of those crappy pads from the machine in the bathroom and then went to Lafayette's office to call Eric.

"Hello?" He answered on the fourth ring.

"I need you to come get me. We have to go to the emergency room." I tried to stay calm.

"What? Why?"

"I'm bleeding. It's not bad, but something isn't right. I can feel it."

"Okay, okay, I'll be right there. Just sit down somewhere and stay calm. I'll be there."

"I'm scared, Eric."

"It's going to be okay. Just sit tight. I love you."

"I love you, too." I hung up and then went to Lafayette. "Laff, I have to go to the hospital."

He dropped the knife he was holding. "What happened?"

"I'm bleeding. Eric's coming to pick me up."

"I should call you an ambulance." He was starting to panic. Not helping.

"No, it's not that bad. I'm just going to go sit down and wait for Eric. He'll be here soon." I felt a bit faint, although whether it was from the panic or the blood loss, I wasn't sure.

Lafayette came around the counter and walked with me to one of the stools at the counter. He got me a glass of water and then went to Tanya. The unusual buzz of whispers and quiet activity had the patrons all looking around at one another, everyone trying to figure out what was going on.

My giant of a boyfriend bursting into the diner a few minutes later did little to stop the wagging tongues. I smiled with relief to see Eric standing in the doorway, gasping for air. He rushed toward me, but I stopped him when he moved to scoop me up.

"I can walk." I told him, but leaned into him when he put his arm around me. Tanya had gone to get me my purse. It was nice of her since I hadn't even thought of doing that myself.

"Take care, sweetie." She said as she handed over my bag. It was the nicest thing she'd ever said to me.

"Thank you." I offered her an awkward smile, then headed out with Eric.

"What happened?" He asked once we were in the truck and speeding toward the nearest hospital.

"I was getting myself something to drink and I felt this pain. I thought maybe it was heartburn or gas, but it was too low for that. I had a few cramps and then when I went to the bathroom, I realized I was bleeding." There wasn't really much to my story, but I knew I was going to have to repeat it for just about everyone I saw in the next few hours.

"How bad?"

"I don't know." I shrugged. "It's not like I could measure it."

"Sookie." He glared at me.

"What? Eric, please, just don't get all basketcase on me now, okay? Please just hold my hand at let me believe this is all going to be okay." He laced his fingers with mine and raised my hand to kiss the back of it.

"It's going to be fine." He said with absolute certainty. I could only hope he was right.

I couldn't believe it when I got to the emergency room and was told I had to wait. Eric was livid, and let the poor admissions nurse have it. His outburst must have done something, though, because I was quickly seen in triage by another nurse. Eric was still red faced and shaking after nearly being escorted out of the building by hospital security. I explained everything to the nurse and she made notes on a chart for me.

"I'll page Dr. Crane and see if she's available to come down. In the meantime, follow me and we'll get you set up in curtain 7." The nurse took us back to an area separated by curtains and nothing else.

I was given a gown and hooked up to a fetal monitor. Some blood was drawn and I answered a few more questions for the nurse that had been assigned to my case. Eric continued to hold my hand, rubbing circles on my wrist until it started to get painful. I wasn't sure who he was calming.

Thankfully, Dr. Crane was upstairs with a patient who was set to deliver. She came down to see me and started with an ultrasound to see just what we were dealing with. She started talking about placental abruption, which meant there was the possibility the placenta had started to detach too early.

"Does that mean I'm miscarrying?" My heart was in my throat. I squeezed Eric's hand.

"It means we need to take look inside and see what's got junior all riled up." Dr. Crane smiled at me. "Sookie, I know it's hard, but I need you to try and relax, okay? Stress is bad for the baby, and if there's trouble, stress will only make it worse. So I need to you to take nice, deep breaths for me and try to think about something else. I know that's hard, but just try."

I nodded and looked at Eric. He was white as a sheet and squeezing my hand as hard as I was squeezing his. Our knuckles were white. I tried to think about something, anything, to get my mind off the baby. I wasn't feeling anymore pain. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths like Dr. Crane asked me to. In inhaled through my nose and exhaled through my mouth. The effect was much more calming than I thought it would be.

I envisioned myself on a deserted island somewhere, running with Eric in the surf. Our skin was golden brown and we laughed like we didn't have a care in the world. We splashed and chased until Eric caught me and pulled me underwater with him. We wrestled in the sand until we were both a complete mess, and when he kissed me, my hurt felt like it was going to burst.

Cold gel on my tummy pulled me from my dream. Dr. Crane moved the magic wand over my skin and I watched the screen to see if I could spot what she was looking for. There was our baby. I had just reached the sixteenth week. It was definitely too early for me to deliver the baby, but it was too late to have an abortion if something was wrong, not that I would.

"Okay, everything looks good. Baby is at a healthy size and weight, from what I see here. We've got a strong heart rate. I don't see any signs of distress." She smiled at me.

"Then why am I bleeding?" My lip quivered.

"It happens sometimes, Sookie. We can't always give you a reason for it." She patted my other hand gently as the nurse came in with a sheet of paper for Dr. Crane. "Your labs look good. Your iron count is a little low, but other than that, everything looks fine. My best guess is that you had a little hyperplasia, which means you had a build up of cells near the opening of your cervix. I'm going to recommend you spend a week off your feet and see if that helps. I don't want to put you on bed rest if I don't have to."

_I can't afford bed rest_, I thought to myself. Even if the adoption agency was covering most of our expenses at that point, they wouldn't be forever. The more money Eric and I could have in the bank for after the baby was born, the better. I was going to have to take a few weeks off after the baby was born to recover. By then I would be back in school anyway, which meant the hours both of us were working would be significantly less.

It was all too much. My head spun with all of the responsibilities mounting on my shoulders. Whether or not we kept the baby, it was all too much. I was thinking about all the things that were going to have to change when Eric shook my hand to get my attention.

"Sookie, Dr. Crane asked you a question." He smiled at me.

"Oh, uh, sorry. I zoned out." I blushed and looked over at Dr. Crane.

"I noticed. I was just telling Eric I can tell the sex of the baby. Is that something you want to know?"

"I...I...I don't know." I looked at Eric again.

"It's up to you, Sookie."

I thought about it for all of five seconds. I'd had enough surprises already. "Yes, I want to know."

"Well, then, it looks to me like you're having a girl." Dr. Crane smiled and pointed it out on the screen.

A girl. A daughter. We were having a daughter. My eyes filled with tears. We were having a girl and she was healthy. I was overcome with imagines of a little blonde girl with pigtails, spinning around in a little ballet outfit, charming the pants off of anyone she met.

How could I give her away? My heart ached at the prospect. The little voice in my head that was always telling me giving my baby to someone else to raise was suddenly silent. If I got so scared over a possible miscarriage, how could I just hand her over when the time came? How could I feel her kick and move inside me for months, get to know her by when she slept or when she was most active, only to turn my back?

What kind of a mother would I be if I just gave up? I was only half listening when Dr. Crane talked form that point on. She was paged by the maternity floor. Her patient was ready to deliver. She gave the order to have me discharged and told me to call her office in the morning to schedule a follow up appointment in one week. If the bleeding got heavier, I was to report back to the emergency room.

"You may have spotting for the next day or two, but anything more than that, or you start cramping, I want you to come straight back." She informed me.

"I will." I promised her.

"Take it easy, Sookie. I'll see you in a week." She winked, then disappeared.

A short time later the nurse came in with my discharge papers. I signed myself out and was headed for the exit with Eric at my side when Gran appeared. I sighed and wrapped my arm around Eric's waist. Gran was the last thing I needed. I was going to clock the person who called her.

"Sookie, are you okay?" Gran asked.

"What do you care?" I muttered.

She scoffed like I'd just slapped her. "You're my granddaughter."

"That didn't seem to matter much when you found out I was pregnant."

"Well now that you're not-"

"Whoa, who told you that?"

"I got a call from someone at the diner. They said you left in a rush and Eric was taking you to the hospital."

"I was bleeding, but the baby is fine. Our _daughter_ is just fine. Now if you'll excuse me, Eric is going to take me home so I can get some rest." I walked around her with Eric still at my side.

"You belong at home with me."

I stopped in my tracks and turned to face Gran. "No, Gran, I belong with Eric. He's the only person who has ever loved me unconditionally. I used to think you did, too, but then you kicked me out."

"I made a mistake, Sookie. I was angry."

"Well, I still am. Goodnight, Gran." I turned toward Eric again.

"Sookie!" She called after me, but I ignored her.

"Are you okay?" Eric asked once we were outside.

"Just take me home." I kept my eyes straight ahead.

We stopped by the diner on the way home. It was already closed for the night but I knew Lafayette would be in the back balancing the books. I knocked on the back door and waited for him to come let me in. He looked surprised to see me.

"Sook?"

"I'm okay. Dr. Crane said I need to be off my feet for a week, though." I told him.

"Oh, thank you, Jesus." He pulled me into a hug and I started sobbing. "Baby girl, what's wrong?"

"Can I come in for a minute?"

"Of course you can." Lafayette gestured for Eric to give us a minute and he brought me inside.

"My Gran showed up at the hospital tonight. She wants me to come home."

"Of course she did. Ole Maxine was in here flappin' her gums about you losin' the baby. I knew she was gonna call your Gran the second she left. I swear, that old cow causes more trouble than she's worth." Lafayette shook his head.

"Gran wanted me to come home because she thought I miscarried. She said she made a mistake by kicking me out, but I can't help but think if I go home with her she's just going to try and convince me to keep the baby."

"Baby girl, you gotta do what's right for you and what you think is best for that baby. You don't need to consider no one else in the decision." Lafayette smoothed my hair.

"I don't know what to do. When I thought I was losing her-"

"Her?"

"Oh, yeah." I smiled down at my stomach. "It's a girl."

"Awww Sook." He pulled me into another hug and I started crying again.

"It wasn't supposed to happen like this, Lafayette. I wasn't supposed to have to make this decision, and the fact that I don't know what to do tells me that I probably shouldn't keep her." I pulled back and took the napkin he offered me.

"You know what I think? I think that just for a week, you need to put it up on a shelf and not think about it. Just relax and get lost in a book or watch bad daytime TV, whatever is going to keep your mind off of all this. Give yourself a break before you get so stressed out the decision gets made for you." Lafayette advised.

I nodded and said, "Yeah, yeah, you're right. I don't know if I can do it, but I'll give it a shot."

"You can and you will because no matter what decision you make, I know you love that baby already. All you ever wanted was what was best for her."

"Yeah." I nodded, sniffling and still crying a little.

"Now let that talk drink of Nordic deliciousness take care of you before I run away with him." Lafayette winked at me and I laughed.

"Thank you, Lafayette." I hugged him again.

"Anytime, baby girl." He kissed my cheek and sent me on my way.

* * *

This chapter tripped me up a little bit because Sookie's still a minor. All of the research I've done for this story has been based on the laws for the state of Illinois, so that's how this has been written. Here we have something called the Mature Minor Doctrine which states a minor doesn't need parental consent to seek medical treatment as long as the minor is judged competent to understand the treatment they are asking for. So that's why Gran wasn't called by the hospital to come and give consent for Sookie. It's a damn good thing we have this for several reasons, but for the sake of this chapter it was especially good because I really do hate the angst between Sookie and Gran. Unfortunately, for the sake of this story, it's a necessary evil. Thanks for reading!


	12. Rest

Chapter 12: Rest

I never realized just how active I really was until I had to stay off my feet. Eric was a tyrant about it. I swear, if I so much as got up to go to the bathroom, he was at my side. He was driving me crazy. I knew he was just trying to be helpful, but there's helpful and then there's annoying. Eric was straddling the line big time.

I gave him a list of books to check out for me from the library so I'd have something to do but stare out the window or watch bad court TV shows all day. I was never much for soap operas. I had enough drama in my own life, thank you very much. It was on the third day that I gave up not thinking about the baby and adoption, and pulled out the parent profiles we'd brought home.

Nicole knew I was ordered to stay off my feet for the week, and she'd offered to come by for a chat if I wanted to have one. At first, I'd insisted I was fine, but the more I thought about the baby, the more I started to doubt whether or not I could really give her up. So I called Nicole and she promised to come by the next day while Eric was at work.

I was looking at the book for Sam and Daphne when Eric got home from work. They were a sweet couple from all I could tell. They were in their early thirties. Sam owned a restaurant. Daphne used to be one of his waitresses. They bonded over their love of animals, especially Sam's Sheltie named Dean. They were together for three years before Sam proposed, and got married the following summer.

"What'cha doing?" Eric asked when he found me sitting up in bed with their book in my lap.

"Checking out Sam and Daphne's profile." I patted the bed for him to come sit next to me.

He sat at the edge of the bed and untied his shoes. "They own a restaurant, right?"

Eric had the most amazing memory. It was a steel trap. He didn't forget anything. I never ceased to be amazed by that. He never studied for any finals at school. He read something once and it was just there in his brain waiting to be used. If our daughter had even a tenth of his intelligence, she was going to be smarter than most people.

"Yeah, that's them." I flipped to look at some of the pictures of their house.

"They have a nice house." Eric said without looking. Damn, was he psychic, too?

"Yeah." I agreed, staring down at the two of them smiling with their dog sitting between them on the front steps. They looked like an ad for a real estate agency or home owner's insurance.

"What's wrong?" Eric looked over his shoulder.

"I hate this." I shoved the book away.

"Well, if you don't like them-"

"No, not that. I mean all of this." I gestured around me. "I hate that we have to make all these decisions and we can't just be kids. I hate that I'm having doubts about everything, Eric."

He moved back on the bed and pulled me into his arms. I cried into his shoulder, letting my hormones have their way for just a little while. He stroked my hair and whispered to me in broken Swedish. He kissed my forehead and rocked me back and forth.

"What are you having doubts about?" He asked when I'd calmed down a little bit.

"Everything! I don't know if we can make it on our own. I don't know how we're going to finish school. I don't know how we're going to get to college. I don't know if giving our daughter up is the right thing to do..."

"Sookie..." He sighed.

"What if we're wrong, Eric? What if, ten years from now, we look back and wish we wouldn't have done it, huh? And what about when we're older and married and we have a family? How do we explain it to our daughter that we gave away that we gave her away, but kept all of our other kids? How do we do that, huh?"

"You need to breathe, Sookie." He said in a very zen way that just made me want to punch him right in the balls.

"Or maybe you could panic with me for just a minute?" I glared and pulled away from him.

"Don't do that, Sookie." He pulled me back. "We're in this together, remember?"

"I don't think you understand where I'm at in all this Eric. You walk around talking like a damn fortune cookie and it pisses me off." I snapped at him.

Yeah, apparently the hormones weren't quite done with me just yet, and by the time I was done ranting and raving, Eric was bleeding from his new asshole and I was locked in the bathroom.

**o.O.o.O.o**

I felt isolated. I apologized to Eric for being such a pain. He said it wasn't necessary, but I felt bad. He was just trying to keep a level head. Really, I didn't want him to panic. I liked that he was calm when I was a wreck. I knew I was lucky to have him. When I thought about how many guys in his position would just take off but Eric was determined to be with me...God, I loved him so much.

The funny thing is, with all the doubts I had and all of my worries about how things were going to turn out, the only thing I didn't doubt was us. No matter how bad things got, I couldn't imagine him running away from me. I could push him out if I wanted to, but he would just keep on coming back. I didn't push him away out of doubt, but out of frustration.

I would never say it to him, but there was a part of me that thought he deserved better. We both had all this potential and all these plans, and it was all going down the drain right in front of us. Was I just a weight around his neck? The thought kept me awake at night.

I got up the next morning and made him breakfast. He glared at me and told me to get my ass back in bed, but I had to be vertical for at least a little while before I parked myself on the couch. Nicole would be at the apartment around ten, so I had plenty of time to kill before she arrived. I went back to looking at Sam and Daphne's profile, determined to read the letter they wrote to birth parents. I had to take a few deep breaths and made sure I had a box of tissues handy, since I cried at the drop of a hat. Eric loved that.

_Hello, Birth Mom! _

_We are Sam and Daphne from Bon Temps, Louisiana. We are very excited about becoming first time parents. We are looking forward to bedtime stories, walks to the park and family dinnertime._

_We recognize what a challenging time you must be going through. Your choice to place your child with a family through adoption takes courage and thoughtfulness. We can offer you the comfort of knowing that if you choose to place your child in our care, he or she will be loved, nurtured and supported all their life. We admire your courage and strength for considering open adoption and we look forward to getting to know you better. _

_We hope to talk to you soon! _

_Sam and Daphne  
_

Okay, not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I only teared up a little bit. There was something about Sam's smile I found so warm and inviting. It was Daphne, however, I was unsure of. There was something almost twitchy about her smile. I didn't trust it. Since Eric didn't seem to be wowed, I decided I'd send the book back with Nicole.

She arrived right at ten like she said she would, and she brought chocolate chip danish. She officially my new best friend. I waddled into the kitchen to get us some plates. She sat on the couch and unpacked the goodies she brought with her. I was drooling like a basset hound immediately.

"Ooh sugar." My eyes glazed over and Nicole laughed. "You don't understand. Eric is constantly staring at me every time I make myself something to eat. I didn't realize I was going to be so hungry all the time."

"Pregnancy does crazy things to your body, doesn't it?" Nicole smiled at me and handed over one of the pastries.

"Yes, it certainly does." I agreed with her and sat on the couch beside her. "Thank you for bringing this."

"Not a problem. So, how's the baby doing?"

"She seems to be doing okay. I still haven't felt her move yet, but I imagine it'll be any day now." I sank my teeth into the danish and made a noise that only Eric had heard before that moment.

"Good huh?" Nicole smiled at me.

I moaned my appreciation and took another bite. I explained what had happened at work to get me on bed rest in the first place. Then I started talking about my doubts and how freaked out I'd been over the prospect of miscarrying. The flood gates opened and the next thing I knew, I was bawling all over again.

"It's okay, Sookie, let it out." She wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "What you're experiencing right now is perfectly normal."

"It just feels like I don't really have a choice in all this, you know? Like, I know if I told Eric I absolutely didn't want to give her up, he would do everything he could to make sure we were taken care of. He would give up everything for me. And I love him so much for being that kind of a person, but it's not fair of me to _ask_ him to do that. Not to mention, it just wouldn't be the best thing for this baby. She deserves better. We _want_ better for her."

"I know you do." Nicole handed me a tissue. "I think the best thing for you to do is to come to the support group meetings we have once a week for birth mothers. They can share their experiences with you and give you a better idea of just what it is you'll be dealing with after you give birth. Do you have any friends you can talk to about this?"

I shook my head and said, "Not really. Eric and I have always been sort of an island unto ourselves. My boss has actually been really great to me through all of this."

Nicole gave me a sympathetic look. "You need to have more support, Sookie. I admire you and Eric for being such warriors about this, but it's not an easy decision to make, especially if you're having doubts."

We talked through a lot of things and by the time she left, I felt better. I still wasn't sold on what to do, exactly, but I wasn't feeling quite so frantic anymore. I promised her I would be at the next support group meeting. I figured I had nothing to lose by giving it a chance. I needed an outlet besides Eric. Not that I kept secrets from him- for the most part- but there were just things I wanted to be able to say without worrying about how it was going to affect him. It wasn't really a good idea for my whole life to revolve around him.

After Nicole left I packed up the rest of the pastries for later and made myself a salad for lunch. I watched TV until I fell asleep on the couch. I was still dozing when Eric came in. I heard the door close but I didn't get up. He was moving around the apartment, taking off his shoes and getting out of his work clothes. The shower started and my eyes popped open.

Slowly I got off the couch and made my way to the bathroom. I stood in the open doorway and watched the silhouette of his body move as he washed up. I bit my bottom lip while trying to decide what to do. Sex in the shower was probably against the orders of bed rest, but my body was suddenly very much in favor of it. In a fluid motion I pulled off my dress and dropped it right there on the floor in the hallway. I got rid of my underwear and slid back the shower door.

"Sookie, what are you doing?" Eric asked when I stepped into the shower with him.

"Violating doctor's orders." I grinned at him.

"You should be in bed." He gave me a stern look.

"And you should be taking advantage of your naked and suddenly very horny girlfriend." I reached out and grabbed him.

He groaned like he was about to make the most painful decision of his life. "Sookie..."

"Less talk, more kissing." I pulled his face to mine and kissed him.

**o.O.o.O.o**

Eric and I were laying in bed together later that night. He was reading to me out loud. The sound of his voice sent chills down my spine and I seriously had to hold back from jumping him. Hormones, you know. At least that's what I told myself. He was reading _Great Expectations_, which didn't make it much easier to keep my hands to myself.

He had one hand holding the book open and the other was resting on my bump with my own hand on top of it, when all of a sudden, our daughter moved. Her very first kick landed right on Eric's palm. He stopped mid-sentence and stared at his hand on my stomach.

"Did she just-" He stopped when she kicked again.

It was the weirdest, best feeling ever. We sat there, completely mesmerized by what had just happened. She kicked a third time, and Eric looked into my eyes. I knew she was in there. Hearing her heartbeat had made it real, but feeling her move...it just took everything to a whole new level of real.

"What does it feel like?" Eric asked me.

I thought for a moment and said, "I guess it feels like flutters? You know, like there's a big butterfly in my stomach. Sort of like gassy, but...I don't know. It's hard to explain."

"That's amazing." He leaned in and kissed me.

"Yeah, it is." I laced my fingers with his and he went back to reading.

We kept waiting for it happen again, but it didn't. I figured we had plenty of time to sit there and be amazed by our daughter's underwater gymnastic abilities. For the time being, I simply closed my eyes and let myself drift away in the sound of Eric's voice as he read to me.


	13. Prospects

**If you're a crier, you're probably going to want your Kleenex for this chapter. You've been warned.**

* * *

Chapter 13: Prospects

Pam showed up two weeks later, a ranting and raving mess. She was threatening, once again, to run away from home. She spent a few days crashed out on our couch before Eric insisted she had to go back home. Neither of us were thrilled with taking her back but we just weren't in a position to take on the responsibility of caring for Pam. She was fairly self-sufficient, but we just couldn't do it. We could just barely take care of ourselves.

"I hate leaving her there." Eric said after we dropped her off.

"I know you do, but we can't keep her, Eric." I rubbed circles on the inside of his wrist with my thumb.

We'd gone over dozens of parent profiles in the last two weeks, weeding our way through prospective families. So far we had yet to find one that really stood out, and I was afraid we were never going to find a match. I wasn't going to just pick a family to get it out of the way. If I didn't find a family that felt like it fit, I wasn't going to give up our daughter.

We had a few we were interested in having a face to face with before we made a final decision and Nicole told us that was no problem. She started to arrange meetings for us. Meanwhile, we kept looking through profiles. I must have read hundreds of letters. All of them were inspiring and heartfelt, and some of them broke my heart. Hearing how much a couple wanted a baby but weren't lucky enough to be blessed with their own killed me.

Here I was, giving mine away when they would do anything to have one of their own. I kept telling myself I was being generous- not selfish- by placing my daughter. I got myself back into the habit of saying my mantra, "I'm doing this for her," whenever I felt like I was making a mistake.

I started going to the support group once a week like Nicole suggested and it really helped to hear the other women's stories. It was oddly comforting to know I wasn't alone. These women were perfect strangers to me, and yet, through this experience, we were best friends. They understood better than anyone, even Eric.

Yes, he was right there with me the whole way, but he didn't understand the bonding that was happening between me and our daughter. To me she wasn't just a heartbeat I heard every few weeks, or the occasional kick to my palm. She was with me all the time, a constant reminder of the decision I was making. Eric tried to understand, but he just never would. He would get annoyed with me for saying that to him, like I was trying to take away from his side of things.

"Eric, it's like me saying I understand what it feels like to get kicked in the balls or have an erection. I don't, and I never will, no matter how thoroughly you explain it to me." I tried to explain to him. I don't know how much good it did, but he backed off a little.

I was at the library returning books when I ran into Gran for the first time since the hospital. She hadn't tried to get a hold of me. She had to have known where I was living since our town wasn't very big. Not to mention, she knew where I worked. She could have easily stopped by the diner or left a note for me there, but she hadn't. Instead, the silence between us just mounted.

I didn't even know what to say to her when I saw her. I ducked behind some shelves in the autobiography section and prayed she hadn't seen me. Of course, I wasn't that lucky. Her watery blue-gray eyes settled on my expanding bump. She gasped and I thought she might cross herself right there in the library before she started quoting scripture to me.

"You look beautiful, Sookie." Not at all what I was expecting her to say.

"Thank you, Gran." I nodded respectfully.

"How have you been?"

"Pregnant." I wasn't sure I wanted to give her much more than that.

"Sookie, I..." She trailed off, her eyes dropping.

"You're entitled to your opinion, Gran. I just wish you could have practiced what you've been preaching to me my whole life." I shrugged and tried not to cry. Damn hormones.

When she didn't say anything else, I just walked away. I didn't need to have a breakdown in the middle of the public library. People were talking about me enough as it was. I walked back to the apartment with my new selection of books. The heat outside was draining. By the time I got home I was exhausted. I kicked off my sandals and went back to the bedroom to lay down.

I felt Eric slide into bed beside me a little while later but I didn't move. I was far too comfortable where I was to even consider moving. His large hand settled on my belly. At almost twenty-one weeks, I was feeling our daughter move on a pretty regular basis. Dr. Crane said I was doing well. There was no more bleeding. Everything was on the up and up.

Lafayette had started training me on the managerial things he wanted me to learn. Arlene had a hissy fit just as I had predicted she would. Of course, she never mouthed off to Lafayette, but poor Tara heard it every single time Arlene and I were scheduled to work the same shift. When Arlene found out Lafayette was putting me in charge of doing the scheduling from that point on, she shut her trap and started acting like she was my new best friend.

"Oh, Sookie, you're hair looks nice today." I heard that from her so many times I thought about shaving my head. Like I didn't know she was being a fake bitch? Please.

It was actually slightly entertaining to watch her choke back her contempt and attempt to kiss my ass. I was half her age and even though I was pregnant, I still had a brighter future than she did. She was stuck waitressing, doomed to a string of marriages that would inevitably fail, and raising two kids she never really wanted. Ultimately, she was jealous of me. I couldn't tell if it was pathetic or ridiculous.

I stayed there, comfy in our bed until I had to get up and get ready for work. Eric watched me move around the room for a while before he spoke up and asked about the baby.

"She's good. Moving around a lot." I smiled at him. Then I took a deep breath and said, "I saw Gran today when I was at the library."

"How'd that go?" He sat up.

I shrugged and said, "I told her I wished she could have practiced what she preached. She didn't say anything else. I think she was just surprised to see me."

"I'm sorry, Sookie." He got up and gave me a hug.

"Yeah, me, too." I breathed him in and just stood there hugging him until I had to let go.

**o.O.o.O.o**

Our first meeting was with a lesbian couple from Dallas, Texas. Portia was an assistant district attorney and Isabel was the executive assistant to the mayor of Dallas. Should they adopt a child, Isabel would be the one to stay home with the baby. They looked good on paper but there was something icy about Portia's persona that rubbed me the wrong way. It felt like she looked at a child like the missing piece in her trophy case life.

I didn't want my daughter to be an accessory; I wanted her to be a priority. I wanted her to be _the biggest_ priority. I knew she would be to Isabel, but I wasn't so sure she would be for Portia. It took me exactly thirty seconds to know they weren't the right couple, but I sat through the meeting anyway. I felt guilty for having them come all the way up to Illinois to see us, especially after hearing they had been through some troubles in the past.

They'd decorated a nursery and everything. They had been completely set up to take in a baby boy they planned to name Emilio after Isabel's father. When the baby was born, the birth mother changed her mind. She took one look at her son and decided to keep him. Portia seemed angry, while Isabel seemed heartbroken. It was pretty obvious who the more maternal of the two were by the end of that story.

The conversation we had wasn't a very comfortable one. They were consumed by fear and Eric and I were nervous on account of it being our first meeting with potential parents for our daughter. Nicole tried to steer the conversation some, but I think even she was a bit overwhelmed by the tension in the room. Finally, everyone just got silent and Nicole called the meeting to a close. I never liked her more than I did right that second.

She led Isabel and Portia out of the room, and I slumped against Eric. He wrapped an arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

"Eric, if they all go that bad, I don't know how we're ever going to do this." I sighed heavily.

"They won't be, Sookie. When we find the right people, we'll know it." He rubbed my shoulder in a soothing way.

"So, what'd you think?" Nicole asked when she came back to the room a few minutes later.

"They're not right for us." Eric said in the nicest way possible.

"They seem really nice, and I'm sure they'll make great parents to someone's kid; just not ours." I told Nicole.

"It's okay, Sookie, this is a big decision. We want you to take your time and be sure." Nicole smiled at me. "How are things going with the support group?"

"Great." I brightened and sat up straight. "I've made a few pretty good friends there."

"That's wonderful. I'm glad it's helping you. How about you, Eric? How are you coping with all of this?" Nicole asked.

Eric gave me a sheepish look and then said, "Lauralyn and I have been meeting while Sookie's at the support group."

My jaw dropped. Why hadn't he told me about it? My shock was evident and Nicole was clearly a bit uncomfortable with continuing her line of questioning since I was sitting right there and didn't know what Eric had been up to. Not that I needed to know everything he was discussing with Lauralyn, but he could have mentioned he was having problems. I would have understood.

"I'm gonna go by the nursery." I offered and headed out of the room.

I found Jessica in a rocking chair with Simon in her arms. I tried to imagine, once again, what it must be like to be her. I cleared my throat quietly from the doorway, and she smiled when she saw me.

"Sookie, right?"

"Yeah. How are you, Jessica?"

"Confused." She stared down at baby Simon.

Jessica was very fair skinned with the prettiest red hair I'd ever seen, and big, bright blue eyes. Simon, on the other hand, had a thick crop of dark hair and dark eyes. His skin was also darker. There was very little evidence on the baby's face to hint who his mother was. I couldn't see much of a resemblance at all. He was a cute baby, though.

"Still having a hard time deciding, huh?" I sat in the rocking chair next to her.

"I keep thinking about the wish King Solomon made for wisdom in his heart to do the right thing. God told him to wish for anything he wanted, and that was what he wished for." Jessica looked down at Simon's face, and traced her finger along his little cheek. "Then I think about that story with the two mothers who both claimed the child was hers. He was going to split that baby in two until his real mother came forward and begged Solomon not to because she couldn't bear the thought of her son dying for her selfishness. Her love for him saved his life."

I knew the story only too well. I remember hearing it for the first time when I was probably four-years-old, and at that age, I couldn't understand why anyone would want to cut a baby in half. I didn't know what it felt like to have two people love you that much, or want you that badly. I had a better understanding of it now, because I was about to do something similar to what that mother did so very long ago. I was going to sacrifice my own heart to make sure my baby lived a good life, even if it wasn't with me.

"I love him so much, Sookie. I look into his beautiful eyes and I wonder how I'll ever forgive myself for giving him away. When I first came here, I was still so angry about what had happened to me. My virginity was meant to be a gift to my husband, and instead it was stolen from me by a man who's face I never even saw. I don't know what his name is. I don't know his favorite color or why he chose me. I don't know why _God_ chose me. I used to think it was a punishment for something I did wrong, when all I ever did was try to live right. I respected my parents, I got good grades and I devoted as much of myself as I could to God. I figured I did something wrong somewhere. Then I realized that by disobeying my parents when they commanded I 'take care of my problem,' I did something right.

"Maybe I'm not meant to raise this baby, but God must have a plan for him, too. Simon is a gift, and because I love him, I know I'm not the mother he's meant to have. I just don't know how to say goodbye. How do I let go of him?"

By the time she was done talking, I was crying silently beside her. Her strength was inspiring. I wiped my cheeks and composed myself before turning toward her to see she was smiling down at Simon, who was smiling back at her.

"Jessica, you are, without a doubt, the most remarkable person I have ever met." My words seemed to shock her. "You have this strength...I don't know where it comes from, but it's inspiring. I've been going to that support group every week and I can tell you that not a single one of us who are either considering this option, or who have already done it, it's not because we don't love our babies. We choose better lives for them out of love."

Jessica was quiet for a moment before asking, "The blond man you're always with, is he your baby's father?"

"Yes, he is." I rested my hands on my bump.

"Have you all been together long?"

"A few years now. We've been best friends since we were kids."

"Does that make your decision any harder?"

I thought about it for a moment and said, "If we didn't agree, it probably would. Eric has been really supportive through all of this. I honestly don't know if I could do it without him."

Jessica was about to ask another question when Eric popped his head in. "You ready to go, Sookie?"

I nodded and smiled at Jessica and Simon. I looked around and found a piece of paper to write my phone number on. "Call me if you ever need someone to talk to." I handed her the paper.

"I will. Thank you, Sookie. It's nice to have someone to listen to me." She smiled brightly.

It made me sad to think she'd never had that before. "We all need a friend." I patted her shoulder, and smiled down at Simon. "You take good care of your Mama, little man."

Eric held a hand out for me to take and we walked out of the agency hand in hand.

* * *

Yeeeeeeeeeeah so I was crying when I wrote those bits with Jessica. Such a sad situation that poor girl is in. Makes me very thankful this Eric isn't a different kind of character, or Sookie could have it much worse than she already does. Thanks for reading!


	14. Brave

**Okay so I've been sitting on this chapter for way too long and I'm so sorry I haven't updated this story like I should. I got a PM today that reminded me I had this lying around. I'll see if I can't get more of it written. I was inspired by the PM I received and my heart goes out to the person who sent it. You're braver than I'll ever be.**

* * *

Chapter 14: Brave

We were sitting on the couch together, eating popcorn and watching television. It was disgustingly hot and humid outside so the air conditioning was turned on. The baby was sound asleep, as she seemed to be every night around the same time. At least I assumed she was sleeping, since I didn't feel much movement. It seemed like every night around seven she went radio silent until about ten, just when I was getting into bed if I didn't have to work. She'd wake up around ten and try her best to keep me awake until midnight before settling down again.

It had been a little over a week since our meeting with Portia and Isabel. Eric and I hadn't talked a whole lot in the last week and it was really starting to get to me. I'd come to the conclusion that I wasn't upset with Eric for talking to Lauralyn about everything that was happening. In fact, it was probably a good thing he found an adult who could help him sort through his feelings. What bothered me was that he hid it from me.

We were watching the Beowulf edition of _Clash of the Gods_ on the History Channel and when it went to commercial, I reached for the remote to mute the TV. There was no time like the present to get things out there. Eric grabbed the empty popcorn bowl from my lap and headed to the kitchen to rinse it out. I was so tired of the tension between us. Not since I first realized my feelings for him had changed all those years ago did I have a hard time finding the words I wanted to say.

My eyes welled up and while I tried to blame it on the crazy ass hormones that come along with being twenty-two weeks pregnant, I knew that wasn't really the reason I was crying. Well, not entirely, anyway. Eric came back to the living room to find me with a tear streaked face and quietly gasping for air. He stopped in his tracks and probably gathered his troops for battle, since seeing me cry always took a toll on him, too.

"What's wrong, Sookie?" he asked once he was sitting next to me on the couch.

"Do you hate me?" I asked him between gulps for air.

"What? No, I don't hate you. Jesus, why would you even think I did?" he put a warm hand on my bump and adjusted his angle so he was facing me instead of the TV.

"Because I was such a bitch about you going to therapy with Lauralyn," I sniffled and Eric smiled in my peripheral vision.

"You weren't a bitch about me going to therapy," Eric insisted while his hand moved in a soothing way over my stomach.

"So then why didn't you tell me you were going? Is it because of me?" I asked as more tears fell.

"No, baby, it's not because of you," he gathered me closer and even though there was a part of me that wanted to resist, I sank into him.

I sobbed quietly and the nasty little sarcastic voice in my head told me I was giving Eric all sorts of material to run back to Lauralyn with for his next session. Eric didn't seem to mind me blubbering all over him and the hand that had been on my belly moved to my back instead. He kissed the top of my head and said sweet things to try and get me to calm down a little.

When I got myself under control, I pulled back and said, "If you're having second thoughts about this adoption thing, you have to tell me."

Eric looked at me with a pained expression. "Sookie, you know the reasons why we have to do this. _Could_ we do it on our own? Yeah, probably. _Should_ we do it on our own? Probably not. Sometimes it's hard to remember that we're doing this because we love this baby and not because we're being selfish."

"You think we're being selfish?" I sniffled.

"What I mean is, there are times when I wonder if maybe we're giving her to someone else because that's the easier thing to do," he told me and I recoiled. He pulled me back and continued, "But _none_ of this is easy, Sookie. Not a single part of this has been easy"

I looked around our sparsely decorated apartment and my eyes welled up all over again when I realized there was absolutely nothing in our living space to suggest we were about to be parents. Normally by now there would be a crib or at least some clothes piled up somewhere, but that was for mothers who got to bring their babies home. Our baby, whoever she was, was never going to get to see this place. We would have our three days with her in the hospital, and then she would go home with someone else.

Eric held me while I cried and I was relieved to find, when I pulled back, that I hadn't been alone. He very quickly wiped away the evidence of his own sadness but that didn't stop me from pulling his face to mine and kissing every spot where I could see a tear had been. Maybe that was all I needed, was to know that Eric was just as affected by all of this as I was. I had mistakenly thought he didn't have the same attachments as I did and I told him as much.

"Babe, I know this is different for you than it is for me," he stroked my cheek. "But you were wrong when you told me all she is to me is a heartbeat or a kick in the hand. If it were really simple, the rest of this wouldn't be so hard."

I nodded and then apologized for having said that to him. "That wasn't fair of me. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry I did."

"Sookie, we're each experiencing this differently. When I think about what it's going to be like after she's born, do you know what I worry about the most?"

I shook my head and wiped my face with the bottom of my shirt. "No."

"I worry about you. I know that whomever we pick to raise this baby, it's going to be the right people. My gut tells me the baby is going to be fine. I'm afraid you're going to wish you'd done differently in five years and I don't want you to look back on this decision with regrets." Eric confessed to me.

"Eric, I promise you, if I am not _100 percent sure_, I'm not letting our daughter go home with anyone else. I don't want to end up like those girls back in the 1960s that weren't given a choice and their babies were basically stolen from them because they were unwed mothers. I know what we're doing here is the right thing. It's the logical, best decision for our daughter…" I trailed off, tears building up again.

"It's just hard to reconcile that in your heart," Eric finished for me and I nodded before collapsing against him again.

I cried myself to sleep in his arms and woke some time later in our bed. How he'd managed to carry me in there, I'll never know. I didn't ever consider myself to be a lightweight and that was even less true since I'd gained about twenty pounds. I didn't complain too much about my weight out loud but that was mostly because Eric would just say that I was growing a chubby baby inside me and he thought chubby babies were cuter. Easy for him to say since it wasn't his ass that had doubled in size.

The baby was wide awake, which was probably what had woken me in the first place. I rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom to pee. Afterward, I brushed my teeth and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I was hit by a sudden craving for peanut butter and pulled the jar from the pantry. I grabbed a spoon and went to the living room to snack for a while. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Pam sitting on our patio, her knees pulled up to her chest and her head tucked against him.

"Jesus Christ, shepherd of Judea!" I cussed under my breath and set the peanut butter and spoon down on the coffee table. "Eric! Eric! Get out here!" I called and went to the patio door.

I barely had the door open when Eric came barreling out of the bedroom behind me. His eyes were sleepy, yet freakishly wide and alert. "What's going on? Are you okay? Something wrong with the baby?"

"Look," I pointed to a sleeping Pam.

"Fuck," he muttered and moved closer to the patio door. "Pam?"

I would have knelt down next to her, but my knees were already killing me and if I knelt, getting up was going to be a chore. Instead, Eric squeezed past me to try and wake his little sister. I took a step back and without realizing, grabbed for my jar of peanut butter. My daughter really, _really_ wanted peanut butter. I was a helpless prisoner of war where that was concerned.

"Pam, wake up," Eric lifted Pam's head gently to reveal a bruised cheek. "Motherfucker," Eric growled.

"Sweet Jesus, where did that come from?" I dropped the peanut butter and mentally told my daughter to hold her horses while I went to the kitchen to make Pam an ice pack for her face.

Since Pam had quite a mouth on her, it was anyone's guess who had lost their patience and finally popped her one. However, knowing Eric's mother as I did, I was willing to bet the blow had come from her. Pam wasn't exactly helpful and when that was combined with her smart mouth, Lisa's drinking and short fuse, you had a recipe for disaster.

Eric picked Pam up and set her down on the couch. I brought him the ice for her face and the second it touched her bruised skin, her eyes popped open. She looked scared for a few seconds while she tried to figure out where she was. But then she slapped the ice pack away from her face and sat upright.

"I'm not going back to that cunt's house!" Pam said in a definitive way.

Eric and I exchanged a look while Pam launched into the story of how she ended up with the nasty bruise on her cheek. Apparently, Lisa had gotten pretty drunk and wanted to go out bar hopping with some of her friends. Pam, of course, didn't want to be stuck at home playing babysitter so Lisa kicked her out of the house. Then when Pam wasn't home by curfew, Lisa was calling all over God's creation to track Pam down. When she found Pam was at a friend's house, she showed up there in one hell of a mood and dragged Pam out of the house. They were at a stoplight when Pam made the terrible decision to comment on how drunk her mother was, and Lisa bitch slapped her. Pam got out of the car and made a run for it.

She'd walked around for most of the night before crashing at a different friend's house for the day. When sunset came, she convinced her friend she was okay to go home and instead, ended up at the diner. Lafayette knew Pam, and the situation she was in, and fed her since she hadn't eaten all day. When the diner closed, she had nowhere to go so she'd come to us.

"This is bullshit," Eric shook his head. "What about Alexei? Is she hitting him too?"

Pam snorted and said, "Her precious baby boy? Of course not. _I'm_ the one she hates."

"She doesn't hate you, Pam," Eric said as gently as he could.

"Oh fuck you, Eric! What would you know about it anyway?"

"You know, the world doesn't revolve around you, Pam!" Eric glared at her.

Pam got up off the couch. "Fine, I'll go. Thanks a lot for being there for me, _brother_."

"Pam, wait!" I called out from behind her and followed her out the patio door.

"This isn't your problem, Sookie," she said without turning around. "Eric doesn't give a fuck what happens to me. He's got you; that's all he cares about."

"Pam, stop!" I grabbed her arm to stop her from walking since my pregnant self couldn't keep up with her for long. She looked like she was going to hit me for a minute but then dropped her hand. "Pam, you have to understand. Eric wants to help you, he does. He doesn't want you and Alexei to be stuck in that situation but right now, our hands are tied. We're not eighteen yet so even if we _were_ in a position to take you both in, legally, we're not allowed to. We did the research."

Pam softened a little bit to hear that and it was the truth. Her chest heaved and I could tell she was fighting back tears of her own. Was it a full moon or something? That would explain the tears. Pam was even less likely to cry than Eric was, for heaven's sake!

"Will you please come back inside? I can't promise you more than tonight, but at least you'll have somewhere more comfortable to sleep than a concrete slab," I tugged her hand to pull her back toward the apartment.

She didn't say anything but at least she followed me inside. Eric had already gone back to bed. I rolled my eyes and went to the linen closet to get Pam the things she needed to spend the night on our couch. She was icing her face while my daughter finally got the peanut butter she'd been so desperate for.

"Can I feel?" Pam asked when she saw a little hand or foot kick my side.

"Sure," I shrugged and put her hand where the kicks were coming from.

"You know, I think you're pretty brave," Pam said out of nowhere. "I don't think I could do it. God knows Lisa never could."

"Thank you, Pam," I blinked back the tears.

"Fuck, if you start crying, I'm out of here," she warned.

"Nope, I'm good," I smiled at her and I was. I really was.


	15. Amends

Chapter 15: Amends

I was exhausted. Between Pam's late night visit, an early morning wake up call from the Morning Sickness Monster and then a drunken Lisa showing up on our doorstep, demanding we hand Pam over; it was a hell of a start to my day. Pam hid in the bathroom the whole time Lisa was there, with Eric arguing we hadn't seen her. Lisa didn't buy it for a second, of course, and she was still pissed off at Eric and me for our decision to place the baby for adoption.

"Right, Mom, because being a parent when you aren't ready ever worked out so well for you," Eric spat at her and opened the door for her to leave. "I want you to go now, please."

I stood back while Lisa staggered over to Eric, pointing one of her bony fingers at him. "Don't you dare tell me how to be a mother when you're giving your baby away!" She jabbed him in the chest for good measure, gave me a death stare and sauntered out.

"Jesus," I muttered under my breath while Eric locked the door.

"Pam, she's gone!" Eric called out, no longer worried about Lisa hearing anything.

No one said anything for a while, except for me, who was suddenly stricken with a nasty case of morning sickness. Or maybe I was reacting to what I'd just seen with Lisa, who smelled like a brewery or distilling plant. God, she reeked. Eric followed me into the bathroom and kindly held my hair up and rubbed my back while I puked my guts out. Pam, in a moment of unexpected kindness, brought me a glass of water.

I tried to lie down and go back to sleep for a while, but it was useless. Every time I got comfortable, the baby would start kicking or I'd hear something clanging around in the kitchen. Eventually, I gave up and went to see what all the noise was about. Eric was attempting to make pancakes. It was sweet of him, but he hadn't quite yet mastered the art. I ended up sending him to the living room so I could do it myself and a half hour later the three of us were chowing down on properly cooked pancakes.

"So how long are you two going to let me stay here before you send me back to that bitch?" Pam asked with a mouthful of pancakes.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," I shook my head at her.

"Yes, _mother_," she smirked at me.

"Hey!" Eric glared in her direction. "Listen, Pam, if you're going to stay here, there are going to be rules. First of all, you don't treat Sookie that way. This is her house and if you're going to be here, you have to be respectful and at least pretend like you know what manners are. Second of all, you don't get to come and go at all hours of the day and night. Third, you pick up after yourself. We both work and don't have time to clean up your mess too. Finally, no friends here. Just having _you_ here is dangerous enough for us since we're not legally supposed to have you. Those are the rules and they're non-negotiable, so take it or leave it." Eric said with authority.

Pam looked at me and said, "Sorry, Sookie, I didn't mean to be rude."

"Apology accepted," I smiled at her and took a drink of my milk.

Eric and I hadn't discussed Pam staying with us but after what I saw with Lisa, I was in no rush to send Pam back. If nothing else, it was obvious a bigger cooling off period was needed before Pam went home. I knew, however, that we couldn't keep her forever. Maybe a day or two, but that was it. She was going to have to go back to Lisa's no matter how awful an idea it was.

Pam volunteered to do the dishes after breakfast was over, which was a shock to both Eric and me. He went to shower and get ready for work, while I went to lay down again for a bit. Maybe having a little alone time together later would be good for them. I dropped off to sleep for a while and vaguely registered the feeling of Eric kissing me before heading off to work himself. I wasn't asleep for very long before I had to get up to pee.

I did a quick sweep of the apartment and found a note on the fridge from Pam, telling me she had swiped my pool pass and would be there for a few hours. I ended up on couch with that jar of peanut butter and a bag of Oreos. When I turned the TV on, I rolled my eyes to see Maury Povich giving results of paternity tests. I said a quick prayer of thanks that I didn't have to go through all that nonsense, in addition to everything else I was going through at the moment.

I smeared some peanut butter on a cookie and took a bite. It was a sticky, goopy mess that was hard to chew, never mind swallowing. I got up and went for a big glass of milk to wash down what was rapidly becoming my daughter's favorite concoction. I patted my belly where I felt one of her little limbs moving.

"Enjoy it while it lasts, kiddo. Once you're out, you're on a liquid diet for about four months," I warned her. She responded with a swift kick up near my ribs. "Watch it, rugrat."

I ended up playing some sort of bizarre, pregnancy version of Hide 'n Seek with my daughter. She'd get real still for a while, and then strike when I least expected it. I'd poke her back and I swear, she must have been ticklish because I could feel little bubbles inside me that I could only assume was laughter, or something like it. I was laughing like a loon when Eric came home on his break for lunch.

"What are you laughing at?" he asked while heading to the kitchen.

"I'm playing with your daughter," I stared down at my bare stomach. "We've been playing tag, or hide 'n seek for the last hour."

Eric looked at me like I'd gone off the reservation, but I didn't care. I figured I'd better enjoy moments like those while I still could. I refused to let myself get sad. All things considered, it really hadn't been that bad of a day. Of course, I hadn't gotten to work yet at that point.

Three hours later I was at the diner, helping Lafayette with the inventory in the walk-in. He kindly allowed me to bring a stool in with me since bending over wasn't much of an option for me, nor was kneeling. He did most of the counting and I wrote things down for him. It didn't take long to finish with the two of us in there and he showed me how he went about figuring the orders that needed to be placed.

Lafayette was a stickler for fresh vegetables and ordered from a small family farm on the edge of town. He also only used free-range meats since they were proven to be healthier. They were a little more expensive, but it was worth it for the quality. Personally, I found it hard to tell a difference. Another wave of nausea hit me so I grabbed a couple of packets of Saltines to munch on.

With my stomach a little calmer, I headed out to the front of the house to see who needed help with what. I ended up walking around refilling coffee cups and fetching people takeout boxes or more ketchup for their fries. I was in the middle of getting slices of pie for the elderly couple seated over at table thirteen when I saw Gran walking toward me.

My heart sank immediately. I wasn't rude enough to pretend I didn't see her coming. First of all, it wouldn't have worked and second of all, she didn't raise me to be like that. I could be kind to her, even if she couldn't seem to show me that same kindness. Turn the other cheek, right? That's what Jesus would do.

"Sookie, do you have a minute?" Gran asked when she reached the counter.

"Not really, Gran, but I'll make time. Just let me take these plates over to Sylvie and Earl," I picked up the slices of pie and took them over to the people at table thirteen.

On my way back to Gran I picked up the pot of decaf and overturned her mug. I barely finished pouring before she was taking a drink. Her hands were shaking, informing me that she was nervous. I could count on one hand the number of times I'd seen Gran nervous in my life. I put the pot back on the warmer and then went back to where Gran was seated.

"So what can I do for you, Gran?" I asked her like I would any other person.

She took a deep breath and then said, "I came to apologize to you, Sookie. I turned you away when you needed love and guidance and it was wrong of me. I was angry with you because I thought you were throwing your life away. A baby is such a big responsibility and I didn't want to see everything you've worked so hard for to go to waste because you were careless."

I snorted and said, "I wasn't careless, Gran. We were being safe. Things happen sometimes."

"God works in mysterious ways," she agreed.

"Yes, He does. I learned that when my parents died before my ninth birthday."

"Is that why this happened? Were you looking to make a family of your own?" Gran asked me.

My jaw dropped and I said, "Gran, this happened because the condom broke. Eric and I aren't ready to be parents. We're still putting the baby up for adoption. Maybe if it were five years from now, it'd be another story, but we're just not ready to be parents. That hasn't changed."

"I want you to come home, Sookie. You shouldn't have to worry about paying bills when you have that baby to take care of."

"Gran, you're not listening to me." I shook my head, more than a little frustrated with her for not hearing me.

"You look exhausted, honey. You need someone to take care of you."

"I'm doing just fine, thank you. In fact, I'm doing great. The baby is growing on schedule, I got promoted here and we're working on finding parents for this baby. I do my own dishes, laundry and grocery shopping. I keep my house clean and Eric takes _very_ good care of me. We're doing just fine. So thank you for your offer, but I think I'll stay right where I am."

Gran looked like I'd just slapped her across the face with a ruler but she didn't argue. Instead she turned and walked out, leaving me to wonder just how sincere her apology was and if we would ever be able to make amends.


	16. Worthy

**I won't even bother making excuses for why this hasn't updated in so long, but I wrote four chapters today so at least you'll get updates for a couple of days on this. I need to watch 16 & Pregnant more often because it reminds me to work on this story lol. See you at the bottom!**

* * *

Chapter 16: Worthy

"Gran came into the diner today," I told Eric once I was in his truck to go home.

"Uh oh," he reached for my hand. "Did it go better this time than last time you saw her?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Nothing's really changed, but she asked me to come home. She apologized for the way she behaved when I told her I was pregnant, but… I don't know, I get the feeling that if I _did_ move back home she would just try to talk me into keeping the baby."

Eric squeezed my hand and said, "I'm sorry, babe."

"I don't think she understands how hard this is for us," my voice cracked. "We both know that we're doing the right thing but that doesn't mean we _like_ doing it. I don't like that ten years from now when we're married, and if we have more kids we're going to think that one of them is missing."

Eric lifted my hand to kiss the back of it while I cried. It was frustrating to have days where I was confident in my choice, and being completely on board with my whole heart, but then there were times when I felt conflicted or straight up wanted to keep the baby out of pure selfishness. I found myself making the decision over and over again to let her go because it was the right thing to do.

And it was breaking my heart.

When we got back to the apartment Pam was sitting on the couch watching TV. I kicked off my shoes and went to the bedroom to change out of my uniform. My feet and lower back were killing me. I wanted to take a long, hot bath but there was no way I'd be able to get in and out of the tub.

"Eric?" I called from the bedroom.

"What's up?" he asked when he came back to find me lying in bed, curled on my side.

"Will you rub my feet, please?" I gave him my best pouty face.

"Yeah," he smiled, and came to sit at the edge of the bed.

He picked up my foot and started rubbing slowly.

"Did you eat dinner?"

"Saltines."

"Sookie…"

"I know, I know, but I was nauseous and I didn't think I'd keep anything else down," I said in my own defense.

"You have to eat something before you go to sleep. The baby needs it even if you're not really feeling all that hungry," he reminded me.

"I know," I yawned.

"What do you want to eat?"

"Peanut butter," I closed my eyes and smiled.

"You can't just eat peanut butter, you dork," he teased.

"Put it on bread, doofus," I kicked the foot he was rubbing a little.

"Hey, hey, be nice," he laughed, holding my foot still. "Or I'll have no choice but to tickle your foot instead."

"Don't you dare!" my eyes popped open.

He crooked a finger like he was going to, but he didn't. It was a good thing, too, because if he had started with that I would have had to get up to go pee again and I was too damn comfortable to get up right then. Eric switched to the other foot and by the time he was done I was dangerously close to being asleep. Pam was being surprisingly quiet in the living room. Usually she had the TV cranked up way louder than necessary, so maybe she had taken Eric's warning and rules seriously.

"How's Pam?" I asked quietly when he released my foot.

"On her best behavior so far," he shrugged. "I think she's hoping we'll late her stay for way longer than we are."

"I want to help her, Eric, I do, but we can't keep her," I said.

"I know," he smiled wanly at me. "She's going to have to stick it out."

It was hard to say what the better thing was to do. Going into foster care at Pam's age was a great way to ensure that she'd just runaway and then God knows what would happen to her. Alexei would have to grow up in the system, and while not all foster parents were Satan's minions I'd always heard more bad than good about the people who registered for the job. So what was the lesser of two evils? I didn't know, and frankly I wasn't really equipped to deal with that problem.

Just trying to figure out what to do with my own kid was confusing enough.

"Do you want jelly to go with that peanut butter sandwich?" Eric asked.

"Grape, please," I smiled at him.

"You got it. Cheetos too?"

"You're the best boyfriend ever," I grabbed his t-shirt and pulled him down to give him a kiss. "Thank you for making my feet feel better."

"It's the least I can do," he kissed my cheek and then got up to get me something to eat.

I thought about what Gran said at the diner, and wondered if she would still feel the same if she saw the last hour of my life. Eric picked me up from work, listened to how my day went, let me cry on his shoulder, rubbed my feet and now he's making me dinner. I couldn't ask for any more than that, and thanks to my damn hormones I burst into tears again.

"Oh no, what's wrong?" Eric asked when he came back to the bedroom. He was carrying a paper plate with a sandwich and Cheetos on it, and a glass of chocolate milk in his other hand. My boy knew me well.

"I don't deserve you!" I sobbed, and buried my face in a pillow.

"What?" he set down the plate and cup on the nightstand. "Sookie, what are you talking about?" he sat down beside me and tried to turn me over but I was being a stubborn, hormonal mess. "Sookie…"

"You're so good to me," I finally managed to get out between gasps for air. My words were staggered and I felt completely unworthy of someone like him. "I'm a mess. Why do you stick around? You could do so much better th—"

"Stop right there," he put his hand over my mouth to stop me from finishing my sentence. "I'm here because I love you and because this is where I want to be, even if you're all snotty and moody. And there's no such thing as better than you."

His compliment only made me cry harder, but at least I let him pull me into a hug then. He stroked my hair and calmed me down enough so I could finally eat my dinner. Eric sat with me, picking Cheetos off my plate from time to time. We sank into one of those comfortable silences that came from knowing each other for so long, and so well. It was nice feeling like I didn't have to come up with conversation just to keep the quiet from overwhelming me.

When I was done eating he took my plate and cup back to the kitchen for me. I got up to go to the bathroom. I washed my face, brushed my teeth and all that other usual bedtime stuff. Before going to bed I peeked out in the living room to say goodnight to Pam, but she was already zonked out on the couch. Eric turned off the TV, locked up the apartment and came to bed as well.

It was midnight, and we'd been up since about six the previous morning. Both of us were exhausted, and he had to be up in just a few hours to start his day all over again. Eric spooned up behind me and kissed my neck and shoulder, but not in a sexy kind of way. His hand settled on my stomach, and thankfully the baby was asleep. I turned off the bedroom light and closed my eyes.

"Love you, babe," he whispered, and kissed my neck one more time.

"Love you too," I whispered back and moved his hand up to my chest so I could hold it, and then drifted off to sleep.

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**I don't really have much of a note for the bottom here other than to say thanks for reading if you're still out there!**


	17. Touched

Chapter 17: Touched

_Hello there,_

_We are Amelia and Tray, and we're so glad you're reading our profile. The decision to adopt a child was an easy one for us, although we know this has been difficult for you. We're interested in an open adoption that will allow you, as the birth mother, to have contact with your child as he or she grows up. We're open to sharing visits, phone calls, letters, videos, and pictures with you. We feel that as long as there are boundaries in place so there is no confusion about your role in the child's life there is no reason why we can't all share in the experience of watching this child grow together. _

_Tray and I met ten years ago when my car broke down and I had to call a tow truck to come pick it up. Tray was the mechanic who worked on my car and from the minute we met there was a connection between us, in spite of how different we are from one another. Tray owns the garage he works in and cars are his passion. I co-own a new age store that deals in eastern medicine, mysticism, Wicca, spiritual things and the like. _

_I'm originally from New Orleans. I grew up primarily with my father (my mother passed on when I was in third grade) and I'm an only child. Tray is from a small town about an hour east of Savannah. His parents are happily married and he's the oldest of five boys. We currently reside in a small town in southern Mississippi just outside of Biloxi. It's the kind of town where families settle for generations. Tray and I are newcomers compared to most of the residents, but in our time here we've made our presence known in this small community. It's the kind of place where folks still don't lock their doors at night. It's a safe place for a child to grow up._

_Living here has been quite a change for me, having grown up in New Orleans. My parents were together for fifteen years before my mother's death when I was eight. Growing up without her for those difficult teen years has made me determined to have a close, open relationship with my children. My father did the best he could for me, but it wasn't the same as having my mom there with me. I hope to be able to give that to your child._

_I'm a curious person by nature, and I'm forever looking things up just because I get a wild hair to do so. I have an associates degree in business, and bought into my partner's shop when I was in my early twenties. I have enjoyed working with my partner for all of these years, but I will be taking time off for the first few months after becoming a mother so I can devote myself full-time to taking care of a baby. I would eventually like to return to the shop, and as an owner of a store that's a little off the beaten path it won't be so strange that I bring my child to work with me every day. _

_In my free time I enjoy reading, crocheting and going for long walks in the woods behind our property. I'm an early riser who prefers sunrises to sunsets, and I believe firmly that you get out of the world what you put into it. I do my best to keep a positive outlook, and I'm always looking for the silver lining to a dark cloud. I believe that there is beauty in anything if you look hard enough for it. My spiritual beliefs are probably a bit less conventional, but I find it difficult to align myself with any one given religion. There are too many thoughts and ideas that come from several of them for me to say I could check just one box. I believe in energy and perception, and that it isn't what happens to us in life that matters, but how we choose to deal with it. _

_The thing that made me fall in love with Tray is his heart. He's intimidating if you don't know him. He's well over six feet tall, about a sturdy as an old oak and has a gruff voice that sounds more dangerous than affectionate, but he's got the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. He's a warm, caring, protective, loyal, generous and dedicated person. When he sets his mind to something you can consider it done because it's only a matter of time. It's a good thing too, since I can be a bit flighty myself. Where I have so many interests, Tray's are a bit more refined and narrowed down. We balance each other very well. _

_Tray played football in high school, which got him a scholarship to play at Ole Miss where he studied business. He was able to get the garage open with the help of his family, and it has become quite successful. The shop isn't in our hometown, but it's not far from where we live. He's a hard worker who takes his job seriously. Not just because it's his job, but because he's doing what he loves. Tray is also the traditionalist out of the two of us. He's the one that insists we have a Christmas tree every December, and he's the one who organizes the Memorial Day cookout. _

_He doesn't attend church on a regular basis, but he is a practicing Christian. After discussing religion we both came to the conclusion that since our opinions on the subject are so different that we would educate any children we have, and answer any questions they might pose to us, but ultimately we would let them decide for themselves what they believe. A relationship with God, or whatever you might call Him, is a personal thing and shouldn't be forced on you. _

_Tray and I don't have children, at this time, unless you count our gold retriever, Sunny. I was diagnosed with PCOS at the age of twenty-four which makes conceiving difficult. Perhaps someday we will have a biological child of our own, but it isn't something we're counting on, and have come to terms with the likelihood that it won't happen for us. We know how much we want to be parents, and how blessed we would be if you chose us to raise your child. We're very much looking forward to expanding our little family. _

_We can't imagine how difficult a decision this has been for you to make, and we want to do everything we can to make this easier on you. You would be giving us an incredible gift, one that we could never in a million years thank you enough for. From the very beginning we would make sure that your child knows the special role you created in its life, and how fortunate we are that you chose us to care for your baby. We promise to give our children unconditional love and support, and to make sure they know they have unlimited access to those things. _

_In closing, we would just like to thank you for taking the time to read our letter. We hope that in reading this we have made your decision a little easier, and we look forward to hearing from you._

_Sincerely,_

_Amelia & Tray_

I read the letter twice, and something in my heart clicked. For the first time I had a really good feeling about the profile I'd just read. In addition to their letter, Tray and Amelia had submitted photos as well. She wasn't kidding when she said Tray was intimidating, but there was kindness in his eyes. She was a tiny woman probably about the same height as me, but thin as a whip. Amelia had bright eyes and a beaming smile.

The two of them, on first glance, seemed like an odd couple. Tray definitely had blue on his collar and stains on his hands from working with engines for so long. Amelia, on the other hand, looked like she'd just stepped out of a commune. There was something peaceful about the balance they seemed to have. I liked the idea of our daughter growing up in a small town with two parents that would adore her. She would have a dog to play with and plenty of room to run around and just be a kid.

The fact that Amelia had lost her mother at roughly the same age I had made my heart go out to her. I knew what that felt like, and there were moments in the last couple of months that I really wished I had her with me to rely on. I didn't know how my mother would have dealt with me getting pregnant so young, but I wanted to believe she would have been a great source of support, understanding and love. I imagine Amelia would want the same things from her own mother during her search for a child she could call her own.

I was still looking at Amelia and Tray's profile when Eric came home from work. He looked positively exhausted. I set the binder aside and after he took his boots off he came over to lie down on the couch. He put his head in my lap and I ran my fingers through his hair.

"How was your day?" I asked him.

"Hot, sweaty, long…" he yawned. "How about yours? Find anyone I should take a look at?"

"Tray and Amelia," I said quietly. "It sounds to me like they're everything we've been looking for parents."

"I'll take a look after I take a nap," Eric promised.

"Go lay down. I'll wake you up when it's time for me to go to work," I suggested.

"Comfortable here. You smell good," he smiled faintly.

I didn't have the heart to tell him the feeling wasn't exactly mutual, but I wasn't going to force him to get up, either. In no time at all Eric was asleep on my lap. Since he slept like the dead it wasn't a big deal for me to slide out from under his head so I could shower and get ready for work about an hour later. I hoped while I was gone that Eric would look at Amelia and Tray's profile and agree that they were at least worth meeting because I already had a feeling that they were it for us.

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**There was some concern for Pam in regards to her safety with Lisa, and there are some who think Eric and Sookie should be doing more to protect her. There's more about Pam's situation in a coming chapter, but I think that being that Eric and Sookie are kids with a bunch of their own problems to deal with and they're short on responsible adults they can turn to for help, they don't really know what to do. I think they also know that it's likely that Pam and Alexei would be taken away from Lisa, and they aren't sure that going into foster care or a group home would be much better than the situation the kids are already in. Mostly it just reinforces their decision to give up the baby, as painful as it will be to do it. Thanks for reading!**


	18. Matriculating

Chapter 18: Matriculating

The first day of school was a real reality check for me. It was one thing for everyone in town to _hear_ I was pregnant, but most of my classmates hadn't _seen_ me pregnant. I was used to people staring at me and whispering behind my back, but I wasn't used to how catty teenage girls could be when they decided to get vicious. There was one group of girls in particular who seemed hellbent on making sure I knew they thought Eric was wasting his time with a girl like me.

"It's probably not even his baby," I heard one of them say as I walked by, and I wanted to punch her in the neck.

My temper flared and my hormones didn't at all appreciate the insinuation that I had cheated on Eric, but for the safety of my baby I decided to let it go. Fighting with that bitch wasn't going to do anything but make _me_ look like an asshole. Besides, I didn't owe that girl anything. Even if she was right, my daughter's paternity wasn't any of her business anyway. She could just take her judgment and opinions and shove 'em where the sun didn't shine.

"Want me to push her down the stairs for you?" Pam suddenly appeared at my side. I hadn't even realized she was nearby.

"She's not worth it," I sighed, and then realized that going down a flight of stairs myself was a dangerous prospect. "Ugh, someone needs to hang a 'wide load' sign on my back."

"You're not that big, Sookie," Pam said encouragingly.

"Oh sure," I snickered. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

It wasn't in Pam's nature to be my pal, and I knew her well enough to know that generally she only palled around with me when she wanted something from Eric but was too chicken to ask him for it herself.

"Because you were nice to me," she shrugged. "And because I know you would never cheat on my brother and these twats need to back up off you before Eric hears them talking trash like that to you."

"Don't say anything to him about that comment you heard, okay? I don't want him getting into fights or something because he's defending my honor," I told her.

Pam went down the stairs with me and it was obvious there were people annoyed by the pregnant girl who was taking too long to get down them. I could only go so fast. My balance was all thrown off and since seeing my toes was something that rarely ever happened anymore, I took my sweet ass time going down the steps. I was going to need to talk to someone about maybe having an extra minute to two to get to class because I just couldn't move that quickly when stairs were involved, and it was only the end of August.

Thankfully, most of my classes were on the second floor. I had a doctor's note that would let me out of some of the more rigorous activity in gym class, but I would gladly spend my time walking laps on the track when I couldn't do what the rest of my class was doing. I only had to go downstairs for lunch, psychology and gym class. All of my other classes were on the second floor of the school, and rather than being stuck in studyhall I signed myself up to be a student aid for my English teacher and in the library.

I was also taking a childcare class, which was something I had planned on doing anyway. The class covered everything from conception to the first few years of life. I felt like a cautionary tale when I walked into that particular class, but it occurred to me that maybe this was another good thing that could come from having a baby. One thing was for sure, if I didn't get an A in my childcare class I would know that giving the baby up was the right thing to do.

By the end of the day I was tired and ready for a nap. I found Eric at his locker and it was obvious he'd had a hell of a day, too. He was taking a lot of advanced placement classes because they would count as college credits. Because of the baby there wasn't time for football senior year. I knew dropping it was a sacrifice on his part. He had given it up so he could work part-time at night as the on-call fix it guy in the complex. It was a good thing Sophie-Anne was sympathetic to our situation or we really would have been screwed.

"How're you doing?" I asked him when I got to his locker.

"Fine," he said tensely.

"What'd you hear?" I asked, knowing he must have heard something that set him off.

"A whole lot of shit not worth repeating," he slammed his locker shut. I knew the feeling.

Rather than pushing the issue I wrapped my arms around him. I didn't care what anyone else thought. They didn't know what we'd been going through since the previous spring; it was none of their business and I told Eric as much. We walked out of school together hand in hand, and on the way home we talked about our classes and teachers, and who was in our classes. We didn't have any classes in common so we probably wouldn't be seeing much of each other during the day. It was fine since we would be seeing plenty of each other at home.

Since it was only the first day of school there wasn't any homework to be done. We dropped our book bags in the dining room after kicking off our shoes. Eric went straight to the fridge to get a snack while I went back to the bedroom to change out of my jeans and put on something more comfortable. I ended up grabbing one of his old t-shirts and putting that on, and then lay down to take a nap.

It didn't take my long to fall asleep and when I woke up Eric was lying in bed next to me. I shifted closer to him, taking in his shirtless torso and all of a sudden my hormones went a little berserk. I realized it had been two weeks since the last time we'd had sex, and decided the draught needed to end. I straddled Eric's lap and pulled off the t-shirt I had on.

"Eric…" I whispered in his ear and kissed his neck. "Wake up."

"Ungh," he grumbled, but when I kissed my way to his lips his eyes fluttered open. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to wake you up so you'll get naked with me," I smiled, and then kissed his lips lightly.

He growled a little, and his hands came from behind his head to land on my hips as they moved against him. We took it slow, just kissing for a while before his hands started roaming and divested me of my bra. Eric rolled us over and ground himself against me and moved his kisses down my neck to my collarbone and then my breasts. He got up on his knees to take off my underwear and then his own pants and boxers.

"It's almost disgusting how good you look naked," I told him, leaving out the part about how I felt like a baby whale.

"Back at you," he smiled, and I knew he meant it even if I thought he was nuts.

Not that we had gotten to the point where we were experimenting with different things, or that we had ever gotten really wild with sex since we got pregnant so soon after we started doing it, but it was different now that I was pregnant. Moving around wasn't so easy and finding a position that didn't put too much pressure on certain spots took practice—practice we hadn't really had time or energy for. It still felt as good as it ever did, and the release was exactly what I needed.

Eric fell to my side, breathing hard with a stupid smile on his face. We were both sweating and a little shaky, but he kissed my shoulder and let his hand rest on my stomach.

"You okay?" he asked after a minute passed.

"Much better than okay," I turned my face toward his. "I needed that."

"Me too," he agreed.

"Now I need a shower," I giggled.

"Yeah, me too," he sighed, but neither of us moved.

We were quiet for a few minutes before I said, "You know, it's been a while since we did it in the shower."

His grin returned and he said, "Then I think we should fix that."

"Me too," I said, and sat up.

"I guess we'll see if I can still pin you against the wall," he playfully slapped my ass when I got out of bed.

"Don't drop me," I said in all seriousness as I walked to the bathroom.

"Not a chance," he chased after me.

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**I completely forgot that I had two more chapters of this story banked. Woops. So here's one of them and since I'm in the mood to work on this today I might get another chapter or two of it written. Sorry it's coming so slowly, but I promise this will get finished. Thanks for reading!**


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